Is Spontaneity Ruining Your Sex Life? There are many things we schedule in life: meetings, getting our haircut, lunches and what time we feed the dog each night. However when it comes to sex, most of us draw the line here and cast our diaries aside, opting for the more romantic “when the mood strikes” kind of mentality.

As let’s face it – sex can be a complicated matter, and we can be complex creatures not built with an automatic “let’s get it on” switch. Yes, it would be great if everyone always felt in the mood and that there weren’t any issues physically, emotionally, or simply due to a lack of time… however this is not always the case.

That said, when your relationship is well beyond that joyful honeymoon stage, and you’ve since acquired a house, children (and perhaps even grandchildren) and your sex life has taken the backseat, perhaps scheduling some time for your nearest and dearest isn’t such a bad idea?

Janice Epp, Ph.D., Dean of the Institute for Advanced Studies of Human Sexuality in San Francisco, also agrees:

“I frequently see a lot of very young couples who are working 14 and 15-hour days and they’re wondering why they’re not having sex…..and the couples in their 50s, 60s, and 70s are not used to looking at sex as valuable. They’ve had all these years of putting sex behind everything else. You have to be willing to make it a priority….what I want [couples] to do is to have some alone time together without any interruptions…..they’re not to talk about work, or children or how the stock market is doing. It can be cuddling, it can be touching, it could be massaging. It could just be holding each other.”

Therefore, while the idea may not seem so romantic, there does seem to be good cause for it when you’re juggling a busy life or the intimacy levels between you and your partner have dried up. And in doing so, you can make this time just as romantic and special as you normally would.

For example, get excited about it like you once did when you were dating. Go out and buy some new lingerie and take the time to make yourself feel good if you haven’t been intimate with your partner for some time. Or run a bath, put on your favorite music and open that bottle of wine that’s been collecting dust on your shelf in lieu of a special occasion (as you now have one!). And to break away from routine – explore different sexual methods such as tantra, or just take the time to get connected on a deeper level. Whatever you decide to do, use that time to get intimate with each other and strengthen your relationship.

What do you think about scheduling time for sex? Do you think it should always spontaneous, or that arranging “sex dates” with your partner could actually improve or even save your relationship? Tell us below!

FinerMinds Team
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