Let’s face it. Breaking up sucks. Whether you were the dumper or the dumpee, no matter how you slice it, it’s never easy. Learning how to be happy after a break up and how to find yourself again is even harder. Won’t you agree?
It’s hard to move forward without this person. You’ve just spent an x number of years or months with him/her, making new memories, learning new things, trying exciting stuff for the first time, and now you have to leave all of that in the past.
This person was an integral part of your life for a long time, and now they’re gone. You’re on your own now, reinventing yourself and your life. So how do you move on? How can you possibly move forward without this person when that’s all you’ve ever known for so long?
How to Love Yourself Again
Let’s not forget how much of ourselves we’ve actually lost in this relationship. We all do it. We give up certain parts of our persona and replace them with other pieces to form this perfect puzzle with our partner. Now it’s time to take the puzzle apart and put it back together again, the way it should be — the proper and whole picture of you.
Before we get into the reinventing part of the blog, let’s talk about why we have to do this in the first place. So many of us want to find love and a relationship so desperately that we sacrifice too many things, sometimes even our values, in order to satisfy our partner.
We know it’s wrong, but nonetheless we still do it sometimes. When you give up parts of yourself, your true self, just to have companionship, you cannot expect it to end well.
We often sacrifice who we are for love.
That’s false love. Worse yet, this person loves who they think you are, not who you really are.
So now that you’re out of that relationship and back to being single again, what do you need to do in order to find yourself again and learn how to love the real you?
How to Find Yourself After a Break Up
Finding yourself again and learning how to be on your own after spending most of your time with your partner for a number of years or months is never easy.
Well now it’s over, and you’ll spend the next few days, weeks or months (Let’s hope it won’t be months!) crying over the loss of not only the relationship but yourself. Time to pull up your big girl/boy pants, get your life back on track and rediscover YOU!
You have to remember it’s all about you now. Start a relationship with yourself first and then when you feel like you’ve gotten over your failed relationship, you can revisit the idea of finding your ideal partner!
Here are 6 ways to achieve that right now!
1. The me before you
What things did you love to do before you met this person? Was it horseback riding or hiking? Maybe it was writing or singing. Start doing those things again.
Make a list of all the things you’ve missed doing that used to bring you joy and go do them. Find the you before them.
2. Go on a date!
Take yourself out on a date! Go have a cup of coffee at your favorite coffee place, or take a nice walk in the park. Feel like going to the movies? Do that too! Even better – take your friends with you and have an amazing night out.
Fall in love with yourself and your life again. Buy yourself flowers or a new perfume! Got some spare cash lying around? Take a trip, alone or with your friends!
3. Truth letter
Write out a letter to your partner and let out all those emotions you’ve been holding in for so long! Full steam, no holding back. Write until your hand cramps and you’ve finally gotten everything out of your system.
Once you’re done, go outside, get a match and light up the letter. While it burns think about all the emotional burden you’re getting rid of and let it flow right through you before it eventually leaves your mind.
4. Get out of your head
We’ve all been there. After a breakup we start obsessing with why the relationship ended and why this had to happen to us. Now is the right time to get out of your head and let go of all of those questions that are troubling you.
If you need a distraction, try doing something to occupy your time with. Start volunteering at an animal shelter so you can be surrounded by animals or take up a new hobby or a sport. Devoting your time to a good cause or to improving yourself will go a long way into helping you get over your breakup faster.
5. Read, learn and read some more!
Is there a course you’ve always wanted to take or a self-help guide you’ve had your eye on? Devour books, blogs (like this one!) and anything else you can get your hands on to start learning and growing!
You saw that one coming didn’t you? Don’t like writing? Start slow then. Even a one-page entry in a notebook makes a huge difference.
Journaling after a breakup can be very therapeutic, so don’t hesitate to give it a try.
Write about all the things you are grateful for or about how awesome you are. Write about how exciting your new life without your ex is. When you’re done, read it back and feel your heart explode! Do this daily and watch your life slowly change.
Although you might feel like you’re never going to get over this person, chances are someone even better is waiting for you on the horizon. It’s time for you to take care of yourself, find out who you truly are, fall in love with yourself, and embrace the new and improved YOU!
It won’t be easy, but it’s not impossible if you give it your best!