Tantric Sex evokes images of twisted bodies in wild Kama Sutra poses, or hour-long orgasms exemplifying the magic of female ejaculation.
All of which can seem pretty intimidating to those who can barely remember the last time they had sex with their spouse.
The heart of tantra
For those who haven’t studied traditional tantric yoga, the assumption can be that tantra is all about sex.
But the real benefit of tantra for those struggling in a sexless marriage is that it helps you take the focus off of sex.
In its simplest incarnation, tantra is meditation which incorporates the energies of the physical and energy body — the chakras.
Seven chakras to save a sexless marriage
Each of the seven chakras offers insight into an important aspect of a health relationship. Whether you work on balancing your chakras alone, individually, or as a couple, you will discover benefits and uncover truths that can help you heal.
Keep an open mind. Healing might not look the way you want it to.
When you meditate on the root chakra, focus on the foundation of your relationship.
How do you keep each other strong? How do you support each other physically and make a safe home for each other?
This is also the chakra of physical health — if there are health issues that could be causing intimacy problems, you need to check these out first before you go any further.
How do you inspire each other? It is possible, if you are in a rough place, that right now you don’t even feel safe with each other yet.
Hold hands. Look in each other’s eyes. Meditate on what you see there.
And check in with yourself, mentally and emotionally. Write a journal or listen to some soothing music. Take time.
No, I don’t want you to take turns falling into each other’s arms. Though go for it if you were looking forward to it! But trust is the key to falling in love with each other again.
Sit down with this formula for falling in love and go all the way through it, even if you’ve been together for years and thing you know everything about each other.
Read the questions and answer honestly. Remember your breath and come back to it if you feel anxious or resentful. Try to keep your ego out of it.
Fall in love! Try to remember what falling in love feels like and do things to nurture those feelings — go on adventures, try new things, dance and laugh. Hug each other, heart to heart.
Sit facing each other, clothed or nude, holding your lover’s right hand over your heart with your left hand, and having them do the same with your right hand. Breath together. Feel your chests rise and fall. Watch each other move.
Don’t jump into sex! Your old routine is what caused this problem in the first place, so resit every urge to fall into those patterns.
Keep breathing together. Now take turns speaking, just one sentence at a time. Talk about the things you see and love in your partner. Talk about your own desires… but focus on the desires you are excited about fulfilling with your lover, things they might be excited about too.
Work on opening up the throat chakra and clearing it.
Be kind and excited like you are new and young together, unburdened of the sex-shaming world.
More importantly, listen without judging your partner. Hear them when they express their desires, even if you aren’t interested in them. Don’t react. Just keep talking about things you want to do.
Slowly, over time (minutes or weeks, depending on the state of your relationship and how many meditation sessions you take to get here) you will get to a point where you are both talking about the same desires, the things you want to explore together, things you want to do to each other.
Now you should take the time to touch. Slowly! Remember what I said about falling into old patterns.
Play or worship. But let go of old ideas about a Big Climax with the predictable finish. You may both experience one, or many orgasms together. One or both of you may not.
Orgasm isn’t the goal right now, so let go of that end-driven sex style before you start. Relax into each other. Let the energy wax and wane.
If the energy drops of unexpectedly, go back to breathing together. Come back to talking to each other. Watch. Listen. Learn to read pleasure on each other’s faces and skin.
Be inspired to try new things together and most importantly, keep talking!
Let the chakras flow and bring the energy back to your marriage.