Let’s face it. Breaking up sucks. Whether you were the dumper or the dumpee, no matter how you slice it, it’s never easy. Getting over your ex is even harder. Amirite?
It’s hard to move forward without this person. You’ve just spent x number of years with him/her, making new memories, learning new things, trying exciting stuff for the first time.
Yup, this person was an integral part of your life for a long time, and now they’re gone. You’re on your own now reinventing yourself and your life. So how do you move on? How can you possibly move forward without this person when that’s all you’ve ever known for so long?
And let’s not forget how much of ourselves we’ve actually lost in this relationship. We all do it. We give up certain parts of our persona and replace them with other pieces to form this perfect puzzle with your partner. Now it’s time to take the puzzle apart and put it back together again, the way it should be — the proper and whole picture of you.
“I’ll sacrifice this for you…”
Before we get into the reinventing part of the blog, let’s talk about why we have to do this in the first place. So many of us want love and a relationship so desperately that we sacrifice too many things, yes sometimes even our values, to keep a partner. I’ve been known to do this too!
We know it’s wrong, but we’ve been lonely for so long that we don’t even care anymore, but… we should care. You are giving up parts of yourself, your true self, just to have companionship. That’s never a good idea, and it never ends well. We sacrifice who we are for love.
That’s false love. You are not coming place from integrity anymore. Worse yet, this person loves who they think you are, not who you really are. That doesn’t end well either.
So now what?
Well now it’s over, and you’ll spend the next few days, weeks or months (I sure hope not months!!) crying over the loss of not only the relationship but yourself. Time to pull up your big girl/boy panties and get your life back on track and rediscover YOU!
You have to remember it’s all about you now. Don’t you dare to even think of looking for a new relationship just yet. Start a relationship with yourself first and then when you are solid in the new you, you can revisit attracting an ideal partner!
Here are 6 ways, some kinda fun, to do that!
1. The me before you.
What things did you used to love to do before you met this person? Was it horseback riding or hiking? Maybe it was writing or singing. Start doing those things again.
Make a list of all the things you’ve missed doing and that bring you joy! Go do them. Find the you before them.
2. Go on a date!
With yourself! Take yourself out to dinner or go have a picnic. Feel like going to the movies? Do that too! But go alone–just you.
Fall in love with yourself and your life again. Buy yourself flowers or your favorite cologne! Got some spare cash kicking around? Take a trip, alone!
3. Truth letter.
These are my most favorite letters in the whole wide world. Write out a letter to John/Sally and all those emotions you’ve been holding in for so long, let ‘em out! Full steam, no holds barred. Write until your hand cramps if you have to.
I have truth letters that are 6 pages long. Yup. Write it, read it back, feel every single emotion and then burn it!! Nope, you don’t get to send it.
This is your healing journey. Release all these angry and hurt emotions and get back to you.
4. Get out of your head.
We all know, after a breakup we can’t stop thinking about the why and how and what went wrong. It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s over.
If you need a distraction, try volunteering somewhere. Choose your favorite cause whether it be with animals or kids, seniors or an environmental cause. Find one that resonates with you and devote an hour or more a week (if you can) to helping!!
5. Read, learn and read some more!
Is there a course you’ve always wanted to take or a self-help guide you’ve had your eye on? Devour books, blogs (like this one!) and anything else you can get your hands on to start learning and growing!
I watched inspirational YouTube videos every single day. I watched, listened and read what I could to get back on track to finding myself again!
You saw that one coming didn’t you? Don’t like writing? Start slow and small then. Even a one-page entry in a notebook makes a huge difference.
Write about all the things you are grateful for. About how awesome you are. Write about how exciting your new life is without your ex. Included all the good stuff!! When you’re done, read it and feel your heart explode! Do this daily! Watch your life change.
Though we feel like we’re never going to get over this person, trust me, you will, and chances are you are better off without them. It’s time for you to take care of you, find out who you truly are, fall in love with yourself, and life, again and embrace the new up and coming YOU!
It won’t be easy, but it’s not impossible! You’re welcome :)