“It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone – so far.” – Marilyn Monroe

Being in love and with someone, when things are running smoothly, is such a fulfilling, secure and wonderful feeling.

Knowing you have someone else to share the beautiful moments with, endless support through the hard times, side-splitting laughs with, and of course the pleasure of being intimate with, is what most of us long to experience at some point in our lives.

But of course, relationships can’t always be this beautiful montage of happiness and satisfaction, as with the highs, also comes the lows and more challenging times. And during these less exciting periods, despite having that someone to cuddle up with on a cold night, you can find yourself feeling very alone.

So what are some of the reasons for feeling this way? Is it because the relationship isn’t right for you, or could it just be that you’ve lost your way a little? Here are some ways of overcome loneliness in a relationship.

1) Your partner isn’t giving you what you want and need.

Perhaps you fell madly for each other initially, however as the relationship developed and you got to know each other better, you’ve realized that emotionally you’re incompatible or you want different things from the relationship. For example, one person wants to go out partying all the time and only wants a casual relationship, while the other is ready to settle down. Or perhaps you find that despite getting along well, you don’t have the type of deep connection you long for?

If you feel that your needs are not being met, and you have communicated this to your partner on a number of occasions, you need to work out whether it’s a deal breaker. For example, if they’re fulfilling all your expectations, except you’re frustrated that they go out every Saturday night with their friends, when looking at the bigger picture, you might find this isn’t such a big deal.

However, if this is about them not meeting a lot of your needs and that you feel they never put you first, you need to decide whether this is the type of relationship that will make you happy in the long run.

2) You’re disappointed your partner isn’t fulfilling your every need.

This is very different from the above point, because while there are things we all expect from our partners (for example, loyalty, love and honesty) there are certain things we cannot expect our partners to do.

For example, they cannot be responsible for our happiness or how we feel about ourselves. Yes, they should make us happy, but we need to be happy within ourselves first. And the same goes for our self-worth; having their love shouldn’t determine whether we find ourselves loveable.

Placing this expectation on our partner will not only put unrealistic expectations on them, but ultimately it will lead you to feel disappointed when they’re unable to fill that void inside of you; resulting in you feeling lonely in the relationship.

If you suffer from low self-esteem, there are many things you can do about it, which will not only help you lead a happier life, but will make strengthen your relationship and put you on equal ground.

The road to building the relationship with yourself can be a long one, but it’s the most important journey you will take.

If you don’t already, dedicate time to yourself everyday to meditate and be conscious of the negative thoughts and feelings that are beating down your self-esteem. Question these thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts; as the negative thoughts have no place in your life anymore.

Every time you catch yourself thinking negatively about yourself or doubting your worth, tell yourself that this person has no place in your life anymore. Repeat positive affirmations, such as: “I am beautiful inside and out and worthy of love” and become an unbreakable force against that negative voice inside your head.

To learn more about removing these beliefs or “paradigms” watch this video and download the free mp3 meditation exercise by The Secret’s Bob Proctor to free yourself from these harmful beliefs.

3) You’ve lost your identity.

Most of us have probably at some point have been so caught up in a relationship, that we’ve lost who we are.

Perhaps you’ve lost touch with friends, or you no longer have time to pursue your own interests, or you feel that you have compromised on some many occasions that you no longer feel the relationship represents who you are.

If you find that you’ve lost touch with who you are, start making time for yourself and doing what you loved doing before your relationship. The most successful relationships are those where two individual lives, can complement, and run harmoniously alongside each other. It’s so important to make time for your friendships and the other important people in your life, because regardless whether the relationship stands the test of time, you’ll always need them by your side.

However, if you feel you have changed to make the relationship work, and these changes have not been for the best (for example, you have abandoned all your dreams to follow your partners because this was the only way to keep the relationship going), then you need to work out whether this relationship will ever really serve you.

Of course this is a difficult conclusion to come to, however the loneliness you feel from not being yourself because you’re with the wrong person, will always be worse than the type of loneliness you feel because you’re single and occasionally have no-one to go out with on a Saturday night.

This is not only because you can at least find who you are again and live your life the way you want to, but because there’s still hope that you will find that person who will fill your heart with love and security as a result of you just being the wonderful YOU.

It might sound corny, but it’s true :)

Relationships can’t be perfect, so there will be moments where you feel lonely, but how do you know whether this is a passing phase, or whether the relationship is no longer serving you? 

P.S. Do you have limiting beliefs that are holding you back from becoming your best self?

The way we think about the world affects our experience in it — for good or for bad. Vishen Lakhiani’s transformational course, Consciousness Engineering, allows you to challenge any limiting beliefs you may hold. Try it out and live without limits today!


Deanna is a writer for FinerMinds and a traveller of the world. She makes any place home with her wonderful charm, her keen interest in local heritage and, of course, her Aussie ways.