It’s vitally important to learn how to deal with jealousy. Not everyone you meet is going to like you. In fact, some people will just outright despise you (occasionally even if they have never actually met you).
Sometimes the people who treat you the worst, and are the most envious and hateful, are your own family, and those who you thought were friends.
People may look at your accomplishments, and where you are going in life, and feel left behind. Instead of being happy for you, they will be jealous and work to diminish your accomplishments.
There are many possible reasons why someone may not like you, and there are certain things you can do to cope effectively with such people.
Here’s how to deal with jealousy in 7 steps
1. Don’t be one of them
This is the first and foremost step. Take your own personal inventory, and ask yourself if you have spewed hate at someone. You can’t undo what you have said or done in the past, but you don’t have to keep repeating it either. It’s up to you to deal with jealousy.
2. Don’t be the victim and feel sorry for yourself
Self-pity is one of the most counterproductive and wasteful expenditures of time and energy.
If you are being bombarded with hatred and envy, it will be very easy to feel sorry for yourself, to feel ganged up on, and ask why me?
Don’t be the victim! This will create a very toxic cycle, as people will victimize you further.
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3. Don’t give people a reason
Have you contributed to the hate coming your way? Have you done something to draw negative attention to yourself?
None of us can claim moral perfection. In learning how to deal with jealousy, it’s important to take responsibility and make amends.
4. Differentiate between hate and criticism
This goes along with being the victim. Criticism can be a valid appraisal of your flaws and shortcomings. Properly delivered criticism is not an insult; it is an opportunity for self-improvement.
5. Recognize trolls
If the negativity is coming at you in the form of comments on YouTube, Facebook or other social media, understand who “trolls” are.
An Internet troll is someone who derives pleasure from leaving comments or posts that are intended to set others off. They will say the most heinous and disrespectful things or take a discussion on an unrelated tangent just to get a reaction. They enjoy other people’s outrage.
Understand that whatever they say is about their own personal problems.
6. Recognize that people who spew insults, threats and personal attacks are damaged
It is not normal to shred other people. There is something wrong with trolls, bullies and haters, in general. Understand that they are badly damaged, pathetic, and have no other way of connecting with people except to tear them down. They are in such pain the only way they can feel better for a few minutes out of the day is to put someone else down.
7. Is this happening in the workplace?
This is a problem. If there is triangular communication, meaning your hater is complaining about you to a third party for every perceived slight, this can hurt your reputation at work, or even cost you your job.
Don’t wait! Go to your supervisor or HR and let them know what is happening. You do not want the people above you buying into trivial, malicious complaints.
An option is to confront the hater in a meeting with management present, to find out where they are coming from, and if they have legitimate criticism, or to expose their malicious behavior.
If the people in charge are taking malicious complaints seriously instead of seeing them for what they are, you may be in a toxic work environment and might need to consider seeking new employment.
8. Do not engage
Disconnect from people who are hateful and envious; they are toxic. Sometimes this includes your own family member or people you have been friends with.
An alternative to cutting them out of your life is to set limits and boundaries. Some people are best taken in very small doses.
9. Don’t internalize and accept the hatred
Don’t let it get into your head and change how you see yourself. Reframe the negativity and accept that you cannot please everyone, nor should you try. Consider that it is good to have enemies as that means people are taking you seriously.
Learning how to deal with jealousy and difficult and unpleasant people is a critical skill in the workplace and for life in general. It requires work not to let negative people bring you down.