Modern life can be tough – there’s no doubt about that. The pressures of modern life, from social pressures to economic pressures, can make it hard for us to sustain self-happiness over a long period of time. If you want to get over that issue, however, it pays to understand how happiness relates to you in a personal circumstance.

What makes someone else happy is not the goal that you set to find happiness.

This is why being able to understand that the secret to happiness is often built around understanding your relationship to yourself as much as your relationship with others.

How can you have a good relationship with yourself, though?

For one, you need to accept that you will make mistakes–but don’t always see them as failures.

Instead, look at failure as progress. Often, we learn much more from failure than we do success.

You also need to know where you wish to go in life. Set a clear intention, and stick to it. Many of us don’t know where we want to go, and instead, mask that frustration and uncertainty with self-loathing and unhappiness.

Rather than holding the above thoughts in your mind, try and develop the side of you which is about self-acceptance. Don’t allow yourself to always see failure as a weakness or as some kind of major flaw.

We all have our own limitations. The moment you accept that you will never be perfect and will always have flaws, you’ll find it much easier to care for yourself.

Basic self-care is all about simply looking after yourself. Eat well, do a meditation, regular exercise, or yoga practices, and drink plenty of water to stay hydrated. These things will lower your stress levels.

From daily cleaning and self-care in a physical sense to not allowing yourself to get too down or too elated, you can maintain mental happiness. This makes it much easier to stay in control of your own happiness.

When you don’t allow your happiness to be defined by how close you are to perfection, you will find it much easier to have a happy, healthy relationship with your inner self.

Another mistake we often make is spending too much time wrapped in looking for outward satisfaction. Buying material items or finding short-term pleasures will not make the positive impact you want. It will not make you happy for the long-term. Instead, finding your place in the world and where you stand in relation to others will deliver happiness.

How do you do that, though?

Forming happier, healthier relationships with others

For one, you need to lose the desire and expectation of other people.

Let’s say that you meet someone who is supposed to be really good at a task you are struggling with. You might immediately expect that they can help you. If they can’t, you’ll let it damage your relationship for the long-term.

Rather, ditch the expectation and instead be appreciative of the small helps they can give you. They might not solve the problem for you outright but might give you a short nudge in the right direction. Instead of seeing it as someone holding out on you, and harming your relationship, thank them for the help that they can give you instead. Simply saying thank you for something small will set the tone for a happier, more mature relationship with that person.

Remember that all relationships have their ups and downs, especially in romantic ones. If you believe that one or two negative experiences negate you and your partner’s good points, you are thinking about your relationship in the entirely wrong way.

Creating happiness in personal relationships.

Instead of looking for every day to be perfection, accept that there will be days where you have disputes. It does not mean that you are not right for one another after all; it means that you disagreed, as two intellectual humans who respect each other very much may do.

Avoiding brooding over the concept of ups and downs. This makes it much easier to keep the novelty and playfulness of the relationship alive. When you allow yourself to be engulfed in fear over a disagreement, you ruin the ability to remember all the things that you love about that person – and consequently all the things that they love about you!

Remember that your sense of self is tied to how you perceive others. If you always expected things from others, especially your partner, you will strain your relationships. Strained relationships often then lead us to see things about ourselves which are not true.

Keep that in mind, and in time you should be much more likely to overcome the problems that you currently face. Finding happiness in relation to yourself and others is hard work, but appreciating how it all connects together is equally important.

George Minton

George Minton is the community manager at Trusted Alkaline. He has a background in web design and marketing and works day to day on improving user experience and website functionality. When not working, George enjoys rugby and swimming.