Jealousy and anger are both volatile and unstable emotions that can strike people like a raging tsunami. To help resolve them, it’s important to confront these stark emotions head-on with courage and fortitude.
There is a moon inside every human being. Learn to be companions with it. –Rumi
It takes courage to be open to facing the deepest and most vulnerable sides to our psyches—those that lie hidden and bare, neglected and rejected. This takes patience and a deliberate intention to investigate what is there.
However, the moment one reaches for mindful recognition of what is happening, the moment these emotions lose their power.
In mindfulness practice, we first observe what is there. Then we acknowledge it, allow it and let it be. We feel how we are feeling, and accept it from the deepest part of our souls.
Condemning the natural ebb and flow, dying and rebirth of emotions like jealousy and anger serves little purpose except to suppress and deny what is authentic and palpably part of ourselves. Our wholeness depends on us expressing the fullness of our being.
If we reject our shadow, we reject our own “dark side of the moon.” That part of ourselves we do not understand is the part that makes us “whole.”
There is always a reason for any emotional response, and in time, these reasons unfold. Some will flair up consciously and may be ugly or scary.
Why Jealousy Happens (and how to get rid of it)
Jealousy is an expression of the ego. It comes from a lack of love and appreciation for the self and an undeveloped sense of self and one’s place in the world.
What we believe that other people ‘have’ is actually an illusion.
For instance, the people who drive the nicest cars could be the most miserable (and I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with driving a nice car). One just can never know their challenges or their pain, or even how they got where they are today.
Perhaps they had to climb over corpses or work through the night and nearly kill themselves in the process? So is it really true that one would ever want what another has?
If one just looks at the end results, one will miss the big picture.
If someone has achieved their dream, good luck to them! It takes nothing away from anyone else to see another achieve. Embrace everyone’s successes and enjoy it as if it were your own. Let others be a source of pleasure and inspiration, instead of jealousy.
Our individual talents and abilities are innate; they come from our soul. We all have a unique destination, a unique journey, and our talents are unique. This is true for every person – there is nobody else on the planet quite alike.
If we were to focus on our own contribution to the world, instead of wanting what other people have, it would provide a much healthier foundation for happiness and fulfillment.
With a change in perception and a shift in focus from seeing the “good things others have”, to appreciating the beauty in others, one finds that one no longer needs to feel jealousy.
Coming from love will mean one is able to love others in all of their complexity and that is unconditional.
Where angry energy comes from (and how to release it)
Anger is natural and is important for our survival, in balance. It can be life-saving. When out of balance or excessive, it’s an emotion that becomes corrosive, especially over time.
As Buddha said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
It helps to look within and find out what is causing the anger and frustration. Always go to the source. If we keep searching, there is so much to discover about where the anger comes from, and how it is triggered.
It often comes from childhood, at how we were treated or mistreated by family/ school/ etc.
The anger one experiences need to be directed in a positive way. I suggest physical activities like boxing and running or wrestling. It will help release these emotions from the body.
You can also:
- Find a private place in which one can really express one’s feelings.
- Shout and scream out whatever you feel, without self-censorship. Or get your own boxing equipment and let the anger out. Another suggestion is to punch pillows. I heard of a therapist who placed a mattress vertically against a wall and instructed his patients to release all their venom via hitting it with a tennis racquet.
Why Resolving These Negative Emotions Is Important
When one works on inner change, both inner and outer worlds change. So when we can resolve our inner world, we find our outer world will change too. Our lives will begin to reflect what we truly desire.
Let desire propel us forward to the outcome we seek.
The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is. –Eckhart Tolle