I’m sure you know many people with the victim mentality. You know, the ones that think everything happens to them and that they would be in such a better situation if it weren’t for somebody else bringing them down.

Well, if you have a dream and allow someone else to tell you whether you can do something or you can’t, and you believe them, you are being a victim.

After all, they are likely speaking according to their life and their values. It’s not often that you’ll find someone who takes the time to understand what is most important to you and then speak in terms of that.

It’s much easier to not probe for a deeper understanding and, instead, speak about whatever is most important to themselves. They may even go as far as to say, “You should do this…” or “Here’s what you should do…”

I have been guilty of this many times before and it’s quite selfish.

If you are going after something you love, you will have people who will talk you down, try to compel you to give up on a dream because it’s not important to them. Maybe you threaten their paradigm, so they feel a need to defend themselves, so they in a way attempt to bring you down to their level of comfort.

When this happens, here are 5 questions that can be beneficial to ask yourself:

1. What is your dream? (You can use this exercise to help you design a legacy)
2. Why are you going for this dream?
3. What would it mean to you if you accomplished this dream of yours?
4. How inspired are you to manifest this dream and give it all you’ve got, from 1-10?
5. Reflecting on the person who is trying to talk you out of your dream. How inspired do they seem to be on a consistent basis, from 1-10?

Now, based on the inspiration score you gave yourself and the other person, you can ask yourself these 3 rhetorical questions:

1. (If you gave them a lower mark on inspiration): Why would you allow someone who is not as inspired talk you out of something that inspires you?
2. (If you gave them a higher mark on inspiration): What does their inspiration have to do with yours?
3. (And if you don’t even know the person well enough to assess their level of inspiration): What are you hallucinating about them that you feel gives them the credibility to convince you out of a life of passion?

A decision to do nothing is still a decision and it will bring a consequence whether you like it or not.

Just remember that your decision is your decision. A decision to blame someone else for your circumstance is a victim and takes the power away from you. If you follow someone else’s idea of happiness for you, this is a choice you are making and perhaps a regret that you’ll never get over because you settle for a life that you feel powerless to change. But this is all still your choice.

Transforming Into An Uncommon Breed

By knowing what you value and caring enough about others to decipher what they value, you are coming from an empathetic place. Situations can ironically be taken less personally because you realize that people are often caught in their own paradigms. You can conclude that it’s not all about you.

People usually talk about what’s important to them. But you can be somewhat of an uncommon breed by living according to your own values and speaking in terms of others.

Gavin Masumiya

Gavin Masumiya

As a passionate life coach and self-proclaimed lifenthuziast, Gavin finds nothing more fulfilling than developing deep connections with others, and moving with the intention of bringing the best out of his surroundings. He enjoys reading a book over a cup of black coffee or dancing the night away like there's no tomorrow. Concisely put, he loves living. You can follow his work at Life Enthuziast or check him out on Facebook.

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