Rejection isn’t listed on the top 10 fears in the world for no reason.
Rejection hurts, especially when you are the recipient of being rejected by someone you care about. Being rejected does however serve a purpose. It helps you evolve and fine-tune yourself. Being rejected helps you understand yourself and others.
Being rejected can be something small like asking someone to call you when they get to their destination, or something bigger like inviting your boyfriend to a wedding and he gives you a look of “You’ve got to be kidding right?” Yikes. Rejection from a love interest hurts the most. If your best friend forgets to call you, there is still going to be a friendship there, but when your partner denies your request it can hurt like pouring salt on a wound.
When you are in a relationship with someone, (or you want to be), and you get denied by the other person, well… you know how it feels. It’s a pretty crumby feeling. It brings back old hurts, or rejection from your ex- lovers, and you feel just the same way you did back then.
So what can you do about these feelings that come up when your request seems to have a big red circle with a slash right over top of it? You can accept it. Accepting their rejection is the only choice you have. Because, you can’t make anyone else do anything, and if you try you will both end up getting the bad end of the stick.
Every person on the planet has free will to live as they choose. And you also get to choose to do what you want in your life. The most important decision you can make for yourself is to choose to be happy, no matter what.
Here are a few things you can to that will help you learn how to handle rejection in the future.
1. Allow your feelings
Don’t try to pretend rejection doesn’t hurt, because it does, and that’s OK. It’s a big blow to your ego. Stuffing down your feelings will not really do you any good, nor will letting them take you over. Being aware of these feelings of rejection and knowing they are just temporary can give you ease. Allow the feelings to come up to the surface and have a good cry if you need to. I promise you won’t cry forever.
2. Step outside of yourself
Act as if you are another person watching a movie. You see the scenario between you and your loved one in your head. You make a request for connection and the other person rejects you. Look at the entire situation. Not only your perspective, but also look at the other person and what is going on inside of them and in their life. If they had let you sway them into saying yes, would it have served their highest good? Probably not. Do you really want to be with someone who is a yes-man? They said no for a reason, and they probably felt awkward rejecting your request.
3. Don’t take it personally
Most people do what is right for them, and they don’t want to hurt you by saying no, but they have to say no to what feels right for them. Oftentimes people who say yes, when they really want to say no, are people-pleasers. And while they are participating in their yes, they are feeling walked on and are wishing they would have said no. So accept their right to choose what is best them.
4. Make the right choice
This is your chance to choose. You may choose one of two roads. The first choice is the road to feeling worse. You can focus on how someone rejected your request, or you can choose the road to feel better. I know what I would want to choose.
No one would consciously choose to feel bad. So this is the time you need to be aware of the way you feel and make the right choice for you. It’s your turn. You can choose happiness and the path to feeling better. The first road may be easier, because you don’t have to think about it. But in the long run, a little retraining of your brain to choose the better feeling thoughts will serve your higher purpose. You can feel good about your decision.