Here’s the simple, simple truth about happiness … If you want it, then you’ve got to be response-ABLE – for every single aspect of your life. No whining, complaining, criticizing or excusing. It doesn’t matter how crappy your circumstances, until you take responsibility, you’re not going to find the inner peace you’re looking for.
Monsters and Blood-Suckers
Have you ever gone through a nasty break-up or divorce? Have you ever watched a friend go through it? It can get real ugly, real fast, right? Now why is that? Why do 2 peeps who once loved and adored each other all of a sudden become Doc Frankenstein’s crushing monster, or Bram Stoker’s blood sucker? Simple: they want the other person to change. And when the other person doesn’t change? They decide to become nasty, withholding, threatening and sadly, sometimes even murderous.
How many stories have we all heard – or seen, or LIVED first-hand – of fathers dropping the ball on their kids because they’re pissed at the mom (jee, now that’s smart … NOT!), of mothers bitching to their own children about what an SOB their father is (dumb, dumb, dumb); or heard woa-is-me stories from people who are miserable because their boss is an a**, their friends don’t give them enough attention, their kids won’t conform to their expectations, their colleagues or spouse or agro highway drivers don’t show them enough respect?
Arguing with the Mirror
In all of these examples, one person is depending on somebody else’s behavior, opinions or feelings in order to feel good themselves, or behave like an adult. This is tant-amount to looking in the mirror and saying “I’ll smile as soon as you do.” In other words, as long as you wait for someone else to change in any way in order for you to feel, act or think differently, you’re, umm … screwed. Honestly, you might as well, as my dad used to say, argue with a hole in the ground.
Think of how disempowering that is! Seriously. What a way to go through life – needing all kinds of people and circumstances to behave ‘just so,’ so that you can have a happy day. That means you’re dependent on everybody and everything but yourself – yikes!
If this still doesn’t make sense, try this: Think about the last time someone demanded (or even requested) that YOU change in order for them to cooperate, be nice, feel good, stop threatening suicide or whatever … how’d it feel? Pissed you off, right? Right.
Getting response-able means owning every single aspect of your life. It means acknowledging that you, through the power of your thoughts, feelings and vibrations, have attracted it all. When your life is full of experiences you don’t want, well, that’s the bad news. But the GOOD news is – if you’ve got the power to attract what you don’t want, you’ve also got the power to change what you attract – yay!
But the first step is owning it. Once you do, what you find is that other people’s behavior suddenly doesn’t twist your knickers quite as badly. Why? Because when you take responsibility for your own happiness, you stop feeling disempowered by dependence on everyone else!
Does taking responsibility mean sudden bliss? Well no. S**t happens, as they say, and life lessons will challenge you from time to time. But when you really get your groove on about being in total charge of your own happiness, life starts to flow more easily, and you’ll be able to handle challenging people and challenging times with greater happiness and emotional balance.
I’d love for you to share your thoughts with me on this subject. You see, many of us have been raised to believe that it’s okay to gripe, complain and criticize others in hopes that somehow, this will make us feel better. We’re encouraged by everything from government to doctors to give over our own personal authority and responsibility for our lives. These things tend to feed a sense of frustration with the external world, and a sense of personal ineffectualness within. So, where in your life does this ‘ring true’, and where have you reclaimed your own ABILITY to respond through owning your own happiness? Leave a comment and let me know!