To be emotionally free you can’t remain naïve about relationships. Some people are positive and mood elevating. Others can suck optimism and serenity right out of you. Vampires do more than drain your physical energy.

The super-malignant ones can make you believe you’re an unworthy, unlovable wretch who doesn’t deserve better. The subtler species inflict damage by making smaller digs, which can make you feel bad about yourself—for instance, “Dear, I see you’ve put on a few pounds” or “You’re overly sensitive!”

Suddenly they’ve thrown you emotionally off-center you by prodding areas of shaky self-worth. To protect your sensitivity, it’s important to name and combat these vampires. The concept struck such a collective chord in my book Positive Energy that in Emotional Freedom, my latest book, I illustrate how it applies to protecting your emotions and not absorbing other people’s negativity.

SIGNS THAT YOU’VE ENCOUNTERD AN EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE
  • Your eyelids are heavy—you’re ready for a nap
  • Your mood takes a nosedive
  • You want to binge on carbs or comfort foods
  • You feel anxious, depressed, or negative
  • You feel put down, sniped at, or slimed
TYPES OF EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES

Vampire #1: The Narcissist

Their motto is “Me first.” Everything is all about them. They have a grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement, hog attention, and crave admiration. They’re dangerous because they lack empathy and have a limited capacity for unconditional love. If you don’t do things their way, they become punishing, withholding, or cold.

How to Protect Your Emotions: Keep your expectations realistic. These are emotionally limited people. Try not to fall in love with one or expect them to be selfless or love without strings attached. Never make your self-worth dependent on them or confide your deepest feelings to someone who won’t cherish them. To successfully communicate, the hard truth is that you must show how something will be to their benefit. Though it’s better not to have to contend with this tedious ego stroking, if the relationship is unavoidable use the above strategies to achieved desired results.

Vampire #2: The Victim

These vampires grate on you with their “poor-me’ attitude and are allergic to taking responsibility for their actions. The world is always against them, the reason for their unhappiness. When you offer a solution to their problems they always say, “Yes, but.” You might end up screening your calls or purposely avoid them. As a friend, you may want to help but their tales of woe overwhelm you.

How to Protect Your Emotions: Set kind but firm limits. Listen briefly and tell a friend or relative, “I love you but I can only listen for a few minutes unless you want to discuss solutions. Then I’d be thrilled to brainstorm with you.” With a coworker, listen briefly, sympathize by saying, “I’ll keep good thought for things to work out. Then say, I hope you understand, but I’m on deadline and must go back to work. Then use “this isn’t a good time” body language such as crossing your arms and breaking eye contact to help set these healthy limits.

Vampire #3: The Controller

These people obsessively try to control you and dictate what you’re supposed to be and feel. They have an opinion about everything. They’ll control you by invalidating your emotions if they don’t fit into their rulebook. They often start sentences with “You know what you need?” and then proceed to tell you. You end up feeling dominated, demeaned, or put down.

How to Protect Your Emotions: The secret to success is never try and control a controller. Be healthily assertive, but don’t tell them what to do. You can say, “I value your advice but really need to work through this myself.” Be confident but don’t play the victim or sweat the small stuff. Focus on high priority issues rather than on putting the cap on the toothpaste.

Vampire #4: The Splitter or Borderline Personality

Splitters see things as either good or bad and have love/hate relationships. One minute they idealize you, the next you’re the enemy if you upset them. They have a sixth sense for knowing how to pit people against each another and will retaliate if they feel you have wronged them. They are people who are fundamentally damaged—inwardly they feel as if they don’t exist and become alive when they get angry. They’ll keep you on an emotional rollercoaster and you may walk on eggshells to avoid their anger.

How to Protect Your Emotions: Stay calm. Don’t react when your buttons get pushed. Splitters feed off of anger. They respond best to structure and limit setting. If one goes into a rage, tell the person, “I’m leaving until you get calmer. Then we can talk.” Refuse to take sides when he or she tries to turn you against someone else. With family members, it’s best to show a united front and not let a splitter’s venomous opinions poison your relationships.

This article is based on Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life, where Dr. Judith Orloff synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition and energy medicine. As Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA, she passionately believes that the future of medicine involves integrating all this wisdom to achieve emotional freedom and total wellness.


Dr. Judith Orloff

Dr. Judith Orloff

Judith Orloff MD is bestselling author of the new book Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life (Three Rivers Press, 2011) upon which these tips and article are based. Her insights in Emotional Freedom create a new convergence of healing paths for our stressed out world. An assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA, Dr. Orloff’s work has been featured on The Today Show, CNN, and in Oprah Magazine and USA Today. To inquire about her books and Emotional Freedom book tour schedule visit www.drjudithorloff.com

79 Comments

  • Avatar Doug says:

    I think we all may know some or all of these kinds of people. Great info on how to deal with them and not get trapped.

  • Avatar anon.father says:

    what if you find yourself married to an emotional vampire? then, what if you are a man, and she threatens to take the kids away? because the kids are young, she has ALL THE POWER…she can rob the husband blind, put him in jail for false accusations of abuse…and gets away with verbal, emotional and physical abuse.

    she was sweet and loving as a girlfriend. and now you are trapped.

    there are shelters for families, for women, for men, for women with children…but try to find a spot for a man with children. you won't find one.

    the way i see it, right now, men need to buy their way out of these kinds of relationships. that is my plan.

    i need a place to live where i will not be abused. i need additional care taking for our children to bring stability into the world of my wife's chaos. i need an additional physical presence in the home so that my wife does not go out of control…and again…the only solution i see is a good chunk of cash.

    cash for a new place to live

    cash for a caretaker

    cash for psycho therapeutic counseling with my wife to see if we divorce or reconcile

    cash for a lawyer to see about care taking and custody (should we divorce)

    …of course, the abuse is private, hidden, and only directed at me…the spouse.

    • Avatar Anonymous says:

      first I would recommend is to decide in your mind that you don't deserve this abuse. usually abuse happens when we mentally allow it. You don't deserve it, period! (this is very important to feel in your being not just a conceptual idea) If you feel guilty for anything then it is easy to be abused – so have to deal with the feeling of guilt. The abuser usually puts a guilt on you. You're not a perfect person (no one is) and you do your best and that abuser should take responsibility for her life and you should not be responsible for her mishaps. Again, this is important to contemplate and build emotional strength that you're not responsible for the person's mishaps, pain, behavior, unhappy life. Then, It really helps to say to her calmly and firmly whenever abuse happens "You are hurting me and This is not acceptable. I will not let you do this. You are dumping your emotions on me. I want to support you but you need to communicate to me what you're feeling in a civilized form." If you feel strong whenever abuse happens you will see it as – my wife is in pain she's trying to hurt me and not take it personally – it's not because of you (you're not a bad person or did something wrong) but it's because she has serious issues. This is very important – and it is difficult but doable. If you stop taking her abuses personally (by contemplating and firmly deciding what i described above) she would not be able to hurt you. Her abuses should also reduce. But, be careful once you start getting success, she will continue testing you. So, be firm in your inner beliefs. If she can't get the negative reaction from you she cannot drain your energy and abuse you.

      Once you feel certain that you don't deserve any abuse and you are not responsible for the other person's unhappiness – you can look at your wife and see that she's really suffering – to abuse someone means that the person is really tormented. If you contemplate how much pain the person is going through – you can feel compassion towards the person. That is all you can really do – the rest is up to the person.

  • Avatar Alomefaga says:

    Let's not get to exited calling people vampires.

    Avoiding people or cutting them off from our life's doesn't help them but makes things worse I think.

    We all have the power to heal ourselves and others if we want to!

    We can also "shield"ourselves from negative emotions/energies so we CAN communicate with these so called vampires without getting "infected".

    I have a borderline personality disorder myself (I have been diagnosed this way)

    I work everyday to make my life better and that of others so please don't call me a vampire.

    When negative energies/emotions like hate and fear fill my mind and being I try to transform them.

    If that doesn't work I avoid all people and lock myself up without contakt and live my private hell… this is very painfull and has taken a lot off time in my life. But I never try to influence other people or drain there energie!!

    So please dont make stereotypes! and help eachother in love and understanding!

    Togerther we will walk throug the golden gate of ascession… not alone!

    Thank you!

  • Avatar dianne says:

    it is unfortunate than even professionals fall into the trap of categorizing people with BPD in this way. Even people who have been given this diagnosis sometimes have very valid points of view, and professionals more often than people might like to think, invalidate people with this mood disorder, and disempower and disenfranchise them in subtle ways in order to make their own jobs easier. Stereotyping is very dangerous and unhelpful and I think some of this article falls into that.

  • Avatar Ian MacLeod says:

    Excellent strategies! I've a young friend who's trapped in a relationship with genuine energy vampire – she's had his child (after insisting she was sterile), and he's afraid he'll lose all access to her. I've told him he may until he can get this settles legally, but the abuse is damaging him and not helping his daughter. These strategies may help him see what he's dealing with and how he needs to be dealing with her.

    Thanks again!

    Ian

  • Avatar Anjali says:

    great article. I liked spot on solutions.

  • Avatar bonsai says:

    I know someone who is a combination of these types. He's part controller, narcissist, and splitter. I believe I'm a bit of the victim. Now that I realize this, I can try to change that. Thank you for the article. It's been very helpful.

  • Avatar KayCee says:

    I was involved with a dangerous controller. When we broke up he would'nt let go. He would steal my car and levae it all over town, He cut the line to our heat pump in the middle of winter. The very worse thing that he did was he copied a pic of a naked women super imposed a naked body on it make a price sheet for several sexual activities. Then he put my phone number and a detailed map to my home on a flyer and posted it 20 copys thick in five bars that I know of.I had 2 teenage daughters at home at the time. I called the cops, he was always gone by the time they got there. I got a restraining order did no good due to the reason above. Everything that I did to try and get help did no good. Finally one night I broke down I started praying not for myself but for my daughters. I said god you put these two delicate lives in my hands to love and protect them. I have done eveything mans' law has told me to do and yet here we are wide open for him to do anything that it appears he wants to to either hurt us himself or get us hurt. Please you said when we ourselves could no longer handle a situation that if we put it your hands and trust that it will be taken care of. Then it will. Did I mention he drank probably didn't have to. Well 3 nights later he was at the bar he always went to and he told his friends that he was going to finaalize something that he should have taken care of a long time ago. He was turning down my street and got hit by a huge tow truck. They helivacked him to the nearest hospital where he was labeled DOA. But god does show mercy so he let him live but he was in a coma for 4 months after that he had to wear a halo because his neck was broken, for 6 months. He lost 2/3's of his tongue. He never bothered us again. Oh you wanna know how I found out about the flyer. I worked at night and slept in the day. One morning a lady came to my door with a Olin Mont picture of her a man and two kids. " She aked me do you know this man"? I said no. She said well he has aides. I said well I am very sorry to hear that, and started to reach for my wallet with the thoughts that she was seeking a donation for his care, but when I turned around she had a knife pointed at me. I said " Miss what are you doing"? She said "My husbaand will no longer be needing your services". " My services I asked". "Yes your services and that is when she produced the flyer. This women wanted to kill me. Nevermind the perverts, rapists, or murderers that now had a detailed map to my home. I had to quit my job that day. How could I work night shift after that. If these people are Vampires I must have been engaged to Dracula.

  • Avatar bella says:

    Thanks – this gave me a good laugh as it will help me deal with the in-laws! All four of them fit perfectly in to the 4 categories – it's uncanny. This will definitely help me to observe my own reactions to them. Thank you, thank you!

  • Avatar Jerry says:

    thank you, I have read this link and it is have many benefits.

  • Avatar Angel says:

    great essay I am going to post it and use it in my classes
    Blessings
    Angel
    LoveCry

  • Avatar Baden says:

    Spot on advice for the first two. Lived with them for years :j

  • Avatar Kelley Kelley says:

    Great words of wisdom. I have had a few of the various vampire types in my life that were very close to me.
    It has taken a lot of time to figure them out, catagorize them for myself, and them to position myself in a place of emotional safety. Hopefully this wisdom gets passed around so more of is will be emotionally free, healthy, and vibrating on a higher frequency.

  • Avatar Ron says:

    Thanks so much for these insights. This article couldn't have come at a better time. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster since the beginning of this year with an old friend. I was having great difficulty deciding whether or not to call it "quits" because of the above described behaviour. This short article confirms my embedded convictions. THANKS A MILLION I enjoy vampire stories in novels but having a vampire "friend" isn't romantic one bit!

  • Avatar M Halton says:

    An energy vampire can drain you enough to make you pass out, if you are not aware of the attack. I have known one of these. As with the "Twilight" sort of vampire, you have nothing to fear unless you invite them in.

  • Avatar Kevin says:

    Very Nice article. Advice is great! Be realistic, listen briefly, don't control and stay calm. I think it also helps if you maintain yourself in a balanced state of energy – so that you are less likely to get drawn into on of the vampire scenarios. Thanks for Sahring. In Gratitude! :-)
    My recent post 5 Everything Looks Like a Failure in the Middle

  • Avatar Michael Lopez says:

    I am speechless.

    This is an accurate description of those energy-suckers that
    most of the time take form in our workplace, and even worse, in
    our families.

    Thanks for helping me be protected!

  • Avatar Tere says:

    I've encountered many individuals who were "sucks" as I called them, now I have terms and clear definitions of each sub-type. I'm studying to be a psychologist and this info is very helpful, especially the coping strategies. Far too many people just don't know how to protect their emotions from such individuals, (The Vampires).
    Thank you!

  • Avatar anon.father says:

    what if you find yourself married to an emotional vampire? then, what if you are a man, and she threatens to take the kids away? because the kids are young, she has ALL THE POWER…she can rob the husband blind, put him in jail for false accusations of abuse…and gets away with verbal, emotional and physical abuse.

    she was sweet and loving as a girlfriend. and now you are trapped.

    there are shelters for families, for women, for men, for women with children…but try to find a spot for a man with children. you won’t find one.

    the way i see it, right now, men need to buy their way out of these kinds of relationships. that is my plan.

    i need a place to live where i will not be abused. i need additional care taking for our children to bring stability into the world of my wife’s chaos. i need an additional physical presence in the home so that my wife does not go out of control…and again…the only solution i see is a good chunk of cash.

    cash for a new place to live
    cash for a caretaker
    cash for psycho therapeutic counseling with my wife to see if we divorce or reconcile
    cash for a lawyer to see about care taking and custody (should we divorce)

    …of course, the abuse is private, hidden, and only directed at me…the spouse.

    • Avatar Anonymous says:

      first I would recommend is to decide in your mind that you don't deserve this abuse. usually abuse happens when we mentally allow it. You don't deserve it, period! (this is very important to feel in your being not just a conceptual idea) If you feel guilty for anything then it is easy to be abused – so have to deal with the feeling of guilt. The abuser usually puts a guilt on you. You're not a perfect person (no one is) and you do your best and that abuser should take responsibility for her life and you should not be responsible for her mishaps. Again, this is important to contemplate and build emotional strength that you're not responsible for the person's mishaps, pain, behavior, unhappy life. Then, It really helps to say to her calmly and firmly whenever abuse happens “You are hurting me and This is not acceptable. I will not let you do this. You are dumping your emotions on me. I want to support you but you need to communicate to me what you're feeling in a civilized form.” If you feel strong whenever abuse happens you will see it as – my wife is in pain she's trying to hurt me and not take it personally – it's not because of you (you're not a bad person or did something wrong) but it's because she has serious issues. This is very important – and it is difficult but doable. If you stop taking her abuses personally (by contemplating and firmly deciding what i described above) she would not be able to hurt you. Her abuses should also reduce. But, be careful once you start getting success, she will continue testing you. So, be firm in your inner beliefs. If she can't get the negative reaction from you she cannot drain your energy and abuse you.

      Once you feel certain that you don't deserve any abuse and you are not responsible for the other person's unhappiness – you can look at your wife and see that she's really suffering – to abuse someone means that the person is really tormented. If you contemplate how much pain the person is going through – you can feel compassion towards the person. That is all you can really do – the rest is up to the person.

  • Avatar Alomefaga says:

    Let’s not get to exited calling people vampires.
    Avoiding people or cutting them off from our life’s doesn’t help them but makes things worse I think.
    We all have the power to heal ourselves and others if we want to!

    We can also “shield”ourselves from negative emotions/energies so we CAN communicate with these so called vampires without getting “infected”.

    I have a borderline personality disorder myself (I have been diagnosed this way)
    I work everyday to make my life better and that of others so please don’t call me a vampire.
    When negative energies/emotions like hate and fear fill my mind and being I try to transform them.
    If that doesn’t work I avoid all people and lock myself up without contakt and live my private hell… this is very painfull and has taken a lot off time in my life. But I never try to influence other people or drain there energie!!
    So please dont make stereotypes! and help eachother in love and understanding!
    Togerther we will walk throug the golden gate of ascession… not alone!

    Thank you!

  • Avatar eyeswideopen says:

    So ….. what to do if you ARE that person?

  • Avatar cis says:

    Really good stuff! What would you call someone who is just plain negative and finds wrong with everything? I have a friend who I care about but sucks the life out of me. I know she's toxic and often wonder if I should cut her off.
    My recent post Update Terkini Tentang Contest Mencari Lembu Cisdel

  • Avatar Ian MacLeod says:

    Excellent strategies! I’ve a young friend who’s trapped in a relationship with genuine energy vampire – she’s had his child (after insisting she was sterile), and he’s afraid he’ll lose all access to her. I’ve told him he may until he can get this settles legally, but the abuse is damaging him and not helping his daughter. These strategies may help him see what he’s dealing with and how he needs to be dealing with her.

    Thanks again!

    Ian

  • Avatar Rev.Bola says:

    Just having these emotional vampires metioned and diagnosed, really lifted my spirit. Thanks
    Love Rev.Bola

  • Avatar KayCee says:

    I was involved with a dangerous controller. When we broke up he would’nt let go. He would steal my car and levae it all over town, He cut the line to our heat pump in the middle of winter. The very worse thing that he did was he copied a pic of a naked women super imposed a naked body on it make a price sheet for several sexual activities. Then he put my phone number and a detailed map to my home on a flyer and posted it 20 copys thick in five bars that I know of.I had 2 teenage daughters at home at the time. I called the cops, he was always gone by the time they got there. I got a restraining order did no good due to the reason above. Everything that I did to try and get help did no good. Finally one night I broke down I started praying not for myself but for my daughters. I said god you put these two delicate lives in my hands to love and protect them. I have done eveything mans’ law has told me to do and yet here we are wide open for him to do anything that it appears he wants to to either hurt us himself or get us hurt. Please you said when we ourselves could no longer handle a situation that if we put it your hands and trust that it will be taken care of. Then it will. Did I mention he drank probably didn’t have to. Well 3 nights later he was at the bar he always went to and he told his friends that he was going to finaalize something that he should have taken care of a long time ago. He was turning down my street and got hit by a huge tow truck. They helivacked him to the nearest hospital where he was labeled DOA. But god does show mercy so he let him live but he was in a coma for 4 months after that he had to wear a halo because his neck was broken, for 6 months. He lost 2/3’s of his tongue. He never bothered us again. Oh you wanna know how I found out about the flyer. I worked at night and slept in the day. One morning a lady came to my door with a Olin Mont picture of her a man and two kids. ” She aked me do you know this man”? I said no. She said well he has aides. I said well I am very sorry to hear that, and started to reach for my wallet with the thoughts that she was seeking a donation for his care, but when I turned around she had a knife pointed at me. I said ” Miss what are you doing”? She said “My husbaand will no longer be needing your services”. ” My services I asked”. “Yes your services and that is when she produced the flyer. This women wanted to kill me. Nevermind the perverts, rapists, or murderers that now had a detailed map to my home. I had to quit my job that day. How could I work night shift after that. If these people are Vampires I must have been engaged to Dracula.

  • Avatar Angel says:

    great essay I am going to post it and use it in my classes
    Blessings
    Angel
    LoveCry

  • Avatar Kelley Kelley says:

    Great words of wisdom. I have had a few of the various vampire types in my life that were very close to me.
    It has taken a lot of time to figure them out, catagorize them for myself, and them to position myself in a place of emotional safety. Hopefully this wisdom gets passed around so more of is will be emotionally free, healthy, and vibrating on a higher frequency.

  • Avatar Ron says:

    Thanks so much for these insights. This article couldn't have come at a better time. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster since the beginning of this year with an old friend. I was having great difficulty deciding whether or not to call it “quits” because of the above described behaviour. This short article confirms my embedded convictions. THANKS A MILLION I enjoy vampire stories in novels but having a vampire “friend” isn't romantic one bit!

  • Avatar M Halton says:

    An energy vampire can drain you enough to make you pass out, if you are not aware of the attack. I have known one of these. As with the “Twilight” sort of vampire, you have nothing to fear unless you invite them in.

  • Avatar Kevin says:

    Very Nice article. Advice is great! Be realistic, listen briefly, don't control and stay calm. I think it also helps if you maintain yourself in a balanced state of energy – so that you are less likely to get drawn into on of the vampire scenarios. Thanks for Sahring. In Gratitude! :-)
    My recent post 5 Everything Looks Like a Failure in the Middle

  • Avatar Michael Lopez says:

    I am speechless.

    This is an accurate description of those energy-suckers that
    most of the time take form in our workplace, and even worse, in
    our families.

    Thanks for helping me be protected!

  • Avatar jt says:

    what if your the emotional vampire and you cant help but hurt the other peaple.

  • Avatar Tere says:

    I've encountered many individuals who were “sucks” as I called them, now I have terms and clear definitions of each sub-type. I'm studying to be a psychologist and this info is very helpful, especially the coping strategies. Far too many people just don't know how to protect their emotions from such individuals, (The Vampires).
    Thank you!

  • Avatar Ben says:

    I swear I've known people that were all four rolled into one.

  • Avatar cis says:

    Really good stuff! What would you call someone who is just plain negative and finds wrong with everything? I have a friend who I care about but sucks the life out of me. I know she's toxic and often wonder if I should cut her off.
    My recent post Update Terkini Tentang Contest Mencari Lembu Cisdel

  • Avatar Rev.Bola says:

    Just having these emotional vampires metioned and diagnosed, really lifted my spirit. Thanks
    Love Rev.Bola

  • Avatar sanzbunny says:

    This article is interesting . In reality I have felt as the victim and the innocent but vengeful vampire. It is weird how people lie about their emotions and yet they're the ones who want to put you down. I hate being the one who controls and I hate that word , for me that word is dirt and I hate it. I really like being controlled by the person who I want to be controlled by and it never happens that way. I m the kind of person that is kind and very sensitive and tends to make everyone feel better , even the bad vampires and I know that's a big mistake. Human Beings learn to love each other but what is love anyway if one is not honest with one another . I think this article can teach us in which category we fall in and teach us were to walk and were not to walk. I haven't seen Twilight The movie but I am going to see it soon and see what the whole commotion is all about . To really say the truth I have been around bad vampires more than the good ones and those are the ones who are compulsive and controlling. :(

  • Avatar Laura says:

    Hey, I have this book :)

    The firs two description sounded like my sister and the third like one of my cousins. Wow, good stuff…

  • Avatar Ben says:

    I swear I've known people that were all four rolled into one.

  • Avatar Laura says:

    Hey, I have this book :)
    The firs two description sounded like my sister and the third like one of my cousins. Wow, good stuff…

  • Avatar Imagine says:

    I agree mostly with Alomefaga when he/she wrote: "Let's not get to exited calling people vampires. Avoiding people or cutting them off from our life's doesn't help them but makes things worse I think. We all have the power to heal ourselves and others if we want to! We can also "shield"ourselves from negative emotions/energies so we CAN communicate with these so called vampires without getting "infected"."

    There are many more people who have some kind of mental/emotional/physical dysfunction than any of us will ever know. Compassion for others means giving some slack, and why does everyone I know suddenly need to have so much control over other people and they dump people without notice. What ever happened to manners? It's like employers and at-will employment, the employer can lie to your face about why you're getting laid off, but the truth is hidden and some people will go on to their next job clueless about what they did wrong. Isn't it our ethical duty to give the information that could most HELP the individual get over their habit/issue/faux pas? If no one tells a person that their behavior inspires fear/hate/flight or fight or some other responses, at least having that information before you exit the person's life will help them to perhaps change their behavior. Perhaps this won't help them, but at least you've planted a seed that may or may not take root. But instead of cowardly running away, you've done the right and honest thing by telling the truth. Isn't that the best way?

    Dr. Orloff's suggestions for dealing with "emotional vampires" are far better than most I read/hear about. Many other self-help gurus, some of them at the top of their game, have told us to be cowards and run away, and that's just ridiculous and often unrealistic. Choosing to help others and make the world a far better place is far more valuable to the entire planet.

    Be brave and speak gently to the people who disturb you, if they get angry and eliminate you from their lives it's not such a big loss, if you were going to run away from them otherwise.

  • Avatar Imagine says:

    I agree mostly with Alomefaga when he/she wrote: “Let's not get to exited calling people vampires. Avoiding people or cutting them off from our life's doesn't help them but makes things worse I think. We all have the power to heal ourselves and others if we want to! We can also “shield”ourselves from negative emotions/energies so we CAN communicate with these so called vampires without getting “infected”.”

    There are many more people who have some kind of mental/emotional/physical dysfunction than any of us will ever know. Compassion for others means giving some slack, and why does everyone I know suddenly need to have so much control over other people and they dump people without notice. What ever happened to manners? It's like employers and at-will employment, the employer can lie to your face about why you're getting laid off, but the truth is hidden and some people will go on to their next job clueless about what they did wrong. Isn't it our ethical duty to give the information that could most HELP the individual get over their habit/issue/faux pas? If no one tells a person that their behavior inspires fear/hate/flight or fight or some other responses, at least having that information before you exit the person's life will help them to perhaps change their behavior. Perhaps this won't help them, but at least you've planted a seed that may or may not take root. But instead of cowardly running away, you've done the right and honest thing by telling the truth. Isn't that the best way?

    Dr. Orloff's suggestions for dealing with “emotional vampires” are far better than most I read/hear about. Many other self-help gurus, some of them at the top of their game, have told us to be cowards and run away, and that's just ridiculous and often unrealistic. Choosing to help others and make the world a far better place is far more valuable to the entire planet.

    Be brave and speak gently to the people who disturb you, if they get angry and eliminate you from their lives it's not such a big loss, if you were going to run away from them otherwise.

  • Avatar Brenda says:

    Hiya Vishen & the community… This was a great article.. I'm w/ Doug on knowing or have known numerous of these types. Fortunately, most of them have been left behind, as a matter of preference on my part..
    It is sometimes the best thing to do. We can't change ppl & I found some ppl feed & thrive off of DRAMA…
    Life is way too short to co-exist w/ these types of ppl if u don't have to. It can be a bit painful, especially if
    they r family or long time close friends or friends of the family. Occasionally, I do seem to meet another one of these types – I nip it in the bud ASAP.
    I have to amit when I first read they Title on this – I was thinking "literal Vampires" lol
    I do tend to be a bit of a Blonde.. Thanxz 4 the info. very useful..

  • Avatar Brenda says:

    Hiya Vishen & the community… This was a great article.. I'm w/ Doug on knowing or have known numerous of these types. Fortunately, most of them have been left behind, as a matter of preference on my part..
    It is sometimes the best thing to do. We can't change ppl & I found some ppl feed & thrive off of DRAMA…
    Life is way too short to co-exist w/ these types of ppl if u don't have to. It can be a bit painful, especially if
    they r family or long time close friends or friends of the family. Occasionally, I do seem to meet another one of these types – I nip it in the bud ASAP.
    I have to amit when I first read they Title on this – I was thinking “literal Vampires” lol
    I do tend to be a bit of a Blonde.. Thanxz 4 the info. very useful..

  • Avatar dorothy says:

    My mother had energy vampire like qualities, but I had learned some techniques on how to stop the energy being drained from me. You can cross your ankles or steeple your fingers (please do not point fingers at anyone). These helped me out a lot. I don't mind giving energy freely in a loving manner but do not like to have it stolen from me.

    If you think you are an energy vampire you can get all the energy you wish from your connection with your higher spirit or version of the creator spirit and there is no need to take from others if you are in pain or weak there is more then enough available for everyone, please try some spiritual healing energy techniques. Good Luck!

  • Avatar dorothy says:

    My mother had energy vampire like qualities, but I had learned some techniques on how to stop the energy being drained from me. You can cross your ankles or steeple your fingers (please do not point fingers at anyone). These helped me out a lot. I don’t mind giving energy freely in a loving manner but do not like to have it stolen from me.
    If you think you are an energy vampire you can get all the energy you wish from your connection with your higher spirit or version of the creator spirit and there is no need to take from others if you are in pain or weak there is more then enough available for everyone, please try some spiritual healing energy techniques. Good Luck!

  • Avatar elena says:

    this is all real, my mom is an emotional vamrire ( i am from Europe and we call them energy vampires) , wanted to leave my home at 14 , got meried at 21 , went trought domestic violence by 36, and still have to deal with her, but now its not only me its my doughter , my step father , her mother in-low , her co- workers,ther is no friends of hersd left, no one invite them enymore. run….

  • Avatar antonina says:

    i have been married for 13 years to man with bpd and adhd, who was raised by a family of all 4 of these vampires. he can be a train wreck, and has stumped many a psychologist/iatrist.because he IS, like many of you claim to be, fully justified in your thought/action/emotion cycle. because his family, and mine, was such a tremendous influence on our emotional well being, we have moved far away from them, several times, as fate usually sends us back. it shouldn't matter if you are family or not, you shouldn't suck the life out of people, you can't treat people like crap and expect them to stay close to you. leaving these people for an amount of time is absolutely necessary for your own emotional, psychological, and spiritual growth. many of these vampires are probably your family. i mean why would you continue to hang out with someone, a friend, like this? co-workers are one thing, family another, but unless you feel a true and real friendship connection–dump them. as much as religion teaches us to be compassionate, it also teaches our spiritual growth is dependent upon interaction and fellowship with those of like-minds. if these people are negatively influencing you–you should leave, for at least a time, so your own emotions and psyche are not permanently tainted.
    and to all of you complaining of bpd and psychological disorders and such–it is FULLY within your power and grasp to overcome your issues, med free. you need a psychologist who is a mentor and spiritual leader for your specific soul, not a planned medical agenda based on an aggregate of symptoms on a standardized test you took that classified you with a disorder in the first place. the system is damaged and determined to keep you under the influence of your disorder. rise above it. you have the mental capacity, with the right guidance, to overcome ALL obstacles, even chemical imbalances. i have experienced it first hand, the ups and downs of these disorders, and know beyond a shadow of a doubt, if you believe you can and put your faith in a higher power that will enable you to do so…you WILL accomplish your goal, whatever it may be. love, light and peace to all. blessed be.

  • Avatar antonina says:

    i have been married for 13 years to man with bpd and adhd, who was raised by a family of all 4 of these vampires. he can be a train wreck, and has stumped many a psychologist/iatrist.because he IS, like many of you claim to be, fully justified in your thought/action/emotion cycle. because his family, and mine, was such a tremendous influence on our emotional well being, we have moved far away from them, several times, as fate usually sends us back. it shouldn't matter if you are family or not, you shouldn't suck the life out of people, you can't treat people like crap and expect them to stay close to you. leaving these people for an amount of time is absolutely necessary for your own emotional, psychological, and spiritual growth. many of these vampires are probably your family. i mean why would you continue to hang out with someone, a friend, like this? co-workers are one thing, family another, but unless you feel a true and real friendship connection–dump them. as much as religion teaches us to be compassionate, it also teaches our spiritual growth is dependent upon interaction and fellowship with those of like-minds. if these people are negatively influencing you–you should leave, for at least a time, so your own emotions and psyche are not permanently tainted.

  • Avatar antonina says:

    i have been married for 13 years to man with bpd and adhd, who was raised by a family of all 4 of these vampires. he can be a train wreck, and has stumped many a psychologist/iatrist.because he IS, like many of you claim to be, fully justified in your thought/action/emotion cycle. because his family, and mine, was such a tremendous influence on our emotional well being, we have moved far away from them, several times, as fate usually sends us back. it shouldn't matter if you are family or not, you shouldn't suck the life out of people, you can't treat people like crap and expect them to stay close to you. leaving these people for an amount of time is absolutely necessary for your own emotional, psychological, and spiritual growth. many of these vampires are probably your family. i mean why would you continue to hang out with someone, a friend, like this? co-workers are one thing, family another, but unless you feel a true and real friendship connection–dump them. as much as religion teaches us to be compassionate, it also teaches our spiritual growth is dependent upon interaction and fellowship with those of like-minds. if these people are negatively influencing you–you should leave, for at least a time, so your own emotions and psyche are not permanently tainted.
    and to all of you complaining of bpd and psychological disorders and such–it is FULLY within your power and grasp to overcome your issues, med free. you need a psychologist who is a mentor and spiritual leader for your specific soul, not a planned medical agenda based on an aggregate of symptoms on a standardized test you took that classified you with a disorder in the first place. the system is damaged and determined to keep you under the influence of your disorder. rise above it. you have the mental capacity, with the right guidance, to overcome ALL obstacles, even chemical imbalances. i have experienced it first hand, the ups and downs of these disorders, and know beyond a shadow of a doubt, if you believe you can and put your faith in a higher power that will enable you to do so…you WILL accomplish your goal, whatever it may be. love, light and peace to all. blessed be.

  • Avatar Anonymous says:

    i think we all do these things sometimes, we're all vampires – of course to varying degrees. If we were not vampires than we would be completely independent and would never need anything from anyone (sex is a form of emotional confirmation). But because we are confused about our emotions, feelings and their causes we tend to ask for emotional confirmation from others. And, so the solution to counteract the vampire tendencies, as i see it, is to relate to our emotions and their causes and take full responsibility for everything that happens to us – never blaming other people, situations, weather, etc….

    Usually though we take something from someone and we give something back. People that don't give back is what we call vampires. But, they don't give back only because they think that they have nothing to give – they're poor and need help themselves. If these people are "enriched" – shown by various means that they have a lot to offer – they will start giving.

  • Avatar Anonymous says:

    i think we all do these things sometimes, we're all vampires – of course to varying degrees. If we were not vampires than we would be completely independent and would never need anything from anyone (sex is a form of emotional confirmation). But because we are confused about our emotions, feelings and their causes we tend to ask for emotional confirmation from others. And, so the solution to counteract the vampire tendencies, as i see it, is to relate to our emotions and their causes and take full responsibility for everything that happens to us – never blaming other people, situations, weather, etc….

    Usually though we take something from someone and we give something back. People that don't give back is what we call vampires. But, they don't give back only because they think that they have nothing to give – they're poor and need help themselves. If these people are “enriched” – shown by various means that they have a lot to offer – they will start giving.

  • Avatar ryanniessen says:

    I dig the vampire analogy to negative people…they truly do suck the life out of you! Thanks for the great tips on dealing with them!
    My recent post Ever Feel Like You’re At School Just to Get the Degree

  • Avatar ryanniessen says:

    I dig the vampire analogy to negative people…they truly do suck the life out of you! Thanks for the great tips on dealing with them!
    My recent post Ever Feel Like You’re At School Just to Get the Degree

  • Avatar Vili says:

    I just realised all 4 are valid on me. Now Dr. Orloff give me your blood !

  • Avatar Toni = ) says:

    Yes I find it very helpful, for US ALL, and does the term "Angels & Demons" fit here? We all are, we all need help, assistance, for people without economic resources please do the 12 steps therapy it's free, just join any ALANON meetings, these are intended to help you recover your self esteem, true self control, it's just a blessing, That's the eternal conflict (within ourselves/others) good/right, evil/good and mostly the groups or
    generations that have been submitted to so many archetypes and mind control, it's just confusing!! Get out on your own with the power of these meetings!! I did it and now live happily, helping my own children go through and finally I hope they join, because to do this you "Really" have to Want to do it!! God Bless…

  • Avatar Toni = ) says:

    Yes I find it very helpful, for US ALL, and does the term “Angels & Demons” fit here? We all are, we all need help, assistance, for people without economic resources please do the 12 steps therapy it's free, just join any ALANON meetings, these are intended to help you recover your self esteem, true self control, it's just a blessing, That's the eternal conflict (within ourselves/others) good/right, evil/good and mostly the groups or
    generations that have been submitted to so many archetypes and mind control, it's just confusing!! Get out on your own with the power of these meetings!! I did it and now live happily, helping my own children go through and finally I hope they join, because to do this you “Really” have to Want to do it!! God Bless…

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