Let me introduce you to “the judge.”
The judge is one of the voices most humans have in their mind.
The judge’s job is to criticize and condemn (in different degrees, depending on the individual and how he/she was raised).
It can talk in first person or second person, and it sounds something like this:
You are not doing it right.
Why did you do that?
You should have done it the other way.
Why are you like that?/
You should be more like________.
You are so ugly.
Oh my god, I look horrible.
Shut up and stop crying.
I am so stupid!
You are not good enough.
You should have________.
I SHOULD BE_______.
The first step to change this self-destructive habit is by acknowledging it. Once you acknowledge the voice and observe it, you put yourself in the driver’s seat. You stop being its victim. As you stop being its victim, you gain power over how you talk to yourself.
After you acknowledge it, YOU MUST STOP as soon as you hear it coming. STOP. JUST STOP.
Change your attention to the present, to your body, to your breathing… and let it pass. The voice will persist and will keep coming to you in many different circumstances, especially in the ones you feel insecure.
Just as the voice persists, you will also persist in being aware of how you are talking to yourself. Stop the judge when you hear it by bringing your attention to your breathing, to your body and to what you are doing in the present.
This consistency will help you to refocus on what you want and not on what the destructive voice is saying.
The main key here is to keep bringing awareness to yourself so you can catch the voice when it starts and avoid further damage.
It is a constant practice. The voice will not stop just by applying these exercises once or twice per month. It is a daily awareness.
The only place where we CAN change something or DO something is in the present.
As you are aware of yourself as much as you can each day and as you practice the exercises each time you catch the voice, you will stop the habit of negative self-talk.
It is important to know that you must first practice the habit of stopping the negative self-talk before starting to bring in the loving self-talk. In this way, you are “clearing the way” before bringing in a NEW voice.
You then have the opportunity to create a healthier habit that supports you and helps you instead of bringing you down.
The new healthier habit is to respect yourself and your life. It is to start loving and accepting yourself as a human being who has feelings and makes mistakes. NOBODY is perfect.
The first question to ask yourself is: Have I had enough of talking to myself in this manner?
IF you have had enough, then you will have the drive to change it. Know that yes, it can be changed. With work and consistency.
Changed to a more supportive, caring, understanding, kind and loving voice.
This judge was created in your mind by you at some point in your life with the idea of helping you (read “Voices in my Head” for a deeper understanding).
Now as you are more conscious and want to live a healthier and happier life. You have the power to change the way you talk to yourself.
You will have much better & effective results in whatever you do, and a much happier life when you transform the “judge” into a supportive and loving friend.