Once in a while, we all fall victims to our negative talks. Self-criticism is a manifestation of our understanding of the reality, and it certainly helps us become better people. Still, this is the frustrating part of the human nature, and can often backfire and lead to failures.
Even if you think you do not have such thoughts or rarely have them, everyone has these voices in their head dozens of times every single day! Your brain will point out to the consequences and fear of many of the actions you will take throughout the day, which can easily cause stress and even depression.
Fortunately, there are seven steps you can undertake to calm your inner critic.
1. The ‘Friend Talk’
One of the most popular ways of getting rid of that excruciating self-talk is to think of your best friend. This may not always bring happy thoughts to you instantly, but it will certainly help you if you use your imagination.
When you are burdened with the negative talk in your head, imagine what your best friend would say if you spoke this out loud when with him or her. Best friends tend to be real, but they will always try to point out to the good things when you are in a struggle.
2. Do the Actual Talking
Most of our thoughts are not for sharing, but if you can imagine such conversation with your best friend, this means you can actually have it. In the case that the first step does not work and you still cannot calm those bad thoughts, do the actual talking.
Saying the things out loud can help on its own, not to mention the feedback you will get from your friends. So, find the courage to turn your negative self-talk into an actual conversation with someone else, and you will see how this will turn into positive thinking.
3. Lower the Standards
No one is perfect, and it is about time that you accept that. If you are constantly pushing yourself towards impossible-to-reach standards, it is no wonder that you have all those negative thoughts in your mind.
‘While perfectionism is a very motivating way to get things done, it can be highly destructive. I have heard many people saying they are perfectionists, but not once they listed this characteristic as the reason for their success’ – says Lydia Kleaton, HR manager at RushMyEssay.
This means that it is time to lower your standards and become more realistic. Discover your purpose and re-evaluate your capabilities. Only in this way you will feel fulfilled.
4. Hear Your Self-Talk
No one can improve something if they do not know what it is. Before you even go about removing those negative talks in your mind, make sure you know what they are.
Why are you having these thoughts? What do they tell you? Should you accept them or reject them altogether? Just entertaining the ‘voices in your head’ can help you shake them off.
5. Discover What’s Beneath
Where do the voices come from? What form do they take?
All this may sound strange and perhaps even crazy to you, but discovering the source for your self-doubts is key to making them go away. Sometimes this source will be your parents, grandparents, or the teacher you had in primary school. We set the source of our inner talks depending on who taught us about the right and wrong, and inserted those beliefs in our head.
These beliefs lead us to making the right decision, but many of them are irrelevant to the actions we are re-evaluating over and over in our head. So, it is time to discover what is beneath and analyze if this is important or not.
6. Stop Accepting
Imagine a situation when you are speaking to another you. What would you say to them? If you heard your own words, would you consider your thoughts relevant? Would you see your ideas and decisions as good or unacceptable?
It is time to stop accepting. Every day, we bounce ideas around in our mind, creating negativity without pushing anything away.
If you want to start a revolution inside your mind and get rid of the negative thoughts, you need to be ready to stop accepting. When you see a thought pattern that makes you depressed or stressed, just say goodbye.
The final step of our guide is resistance. The rule of saying ‘no’ applies not only to your relationships with other people, but also with yourself. The process disallows for the negative self-talk to ruin your mood. It is now time to introduce some counter-measures to fight off negativity.
Resistance is best achieved if you create and implement positive thoughts in the place of the negative ones. For example, take the thought that has been troubling you for a long time, and find the positive things in it. Then, repeat the positive pattern of thought every time you think about the same thing.
If you learn to utilize these steps on a regular basis, you will definitely note some changes in terms of your mood and those voices that make you feel stressed. The negative thoughts cannot and should not disappear from your brain, since they actually make you a better person. However, organizing your brain talk and working on your thoughts is the best thing for your health and well-being.