The other day while mingling at a dinner party, I met a man (letʼs call him Jim) who after a few moments of explaining how he had been traveling for a year, decided to tell me about his life back home. Jim was on his last leg of his travels and within a month he would be heading back home to get back into the ʻreal worldʼ to get a ʻrealʼ job that would ʻsuckʼ and leave all of this behind. He was complaining about how thereʼs nothing much back home because all his friends are now married and starting a family and essentially, there is no one left in his little ʻcommunityʼ.
I asked him why didn’t he just get a job that he enjoys doing? The look on his face was that I must have been crazy. He said that doing something you like didn’t happen in the ʻreal worldʼ. So I gave him a challenge. I told him that I knew someone who was looking to hire someone like him and all he had to do was to go to the web site and apply.
Anyway, to make a long story short, I never heard from Jim. The point Iʼm trying to make is that everyone has a story that theyʼre telling. For Jim, it was that the world was a crappy place where you do something you donʼt enjoy, go to the pub and hang out with your friends and complain about it. The problem was that everyone else who was telling the same story as Jim (his friends) decided that this story sucked and decided to tell another story (get married and start a family). So Jim was getting rather lonely telling the same story over and over. But even when I suggested a way out, he didnʼt take it.
Because people like telling their stories – even if their stories are making them unhappy and unfulﬁlled. They identify with their stories. It makes them feel like theyʼre a part of something, or that they stand for something, or that they are different from everyone else and if you take away their story, then who would they be? So rather than being nobody, they would rather keep telling a story thatʼs not serving them. Their fear of discovering what they could actually be stops them from moving forward.
Some of the stories people tell:
- Iʼm too busy. Iʼm always busy. I have no time.
- I was cheated on once before. Now all men are cheaters.
- I was abused when I was young, so now I canʼt accomplish anything in my life because of my dad / mum / brother / etc.
- I can never succeed in life. Itʼs just not possible for someone like me.
- You will never ﬁnd a job you like.
- The ʻreal worldʼ sucks.
The list is endless. The stories people tell. Are you going to give away your personal power to someone else? Or are you going to say, “This is my life, and I decide how I should feel!”
How to stop telling your story
There is always a point in your life where you have a choice to feel one way or another, do one thing or another. Your ego will always want you to continue telling your story because it makes it feel secure and special.
Step One – Recognize youʼre telling a story
It is easier to point out the stories that other people are telling but a little bit harder to pinpoint the story you are telling. My story was that I was a very busy person. Multitasking was my middle name. It felt good when people thought I was some wonder woman for doing so many things. On the other hand, I hardly ever had enough sleep, I was often stressed and in the end I realized I wasnʼt actually accomplishing as much as I thought I was.
Step Two: Set an Intent
So I decided I would change the story. Now this might seem like itʼs too easy, but the way I changed the story was just to intend,
“Iʼm not telling this story anymore. I do not have to do so many things at once!”
At ﬁrst it was a little scary, because my ego really liked being that wonder woman. It felt special, different and better than everyone else. What if I stopped telling this story? Then, why that would make me… ordinary!
Well, I didnʼt care! I made the intention anyway! You know when someone is playing a prank? Itʼs only funny till the person knows heʼs being played. Itʼs the same here. As soon as you realize youʼre telling a ʻstoryʼ and decide you want to change it, itʼs game over. Changes can take place almost immediately. Why donʼt you look at your life and see what stories youʼre telling yourself. Do you have the courage to change them?
Step Three: What now?
So what do you do now since youʼve recognized your story and decided to stop telling them?
Start talking about your visions!
What you thought for so long to be ʻyour storyʼ was something you could change in an instant. So start creating a new vision for yourself.
Stop hanging out with people who continuously tell the same unhappy story. You do not need this in your life anymore. Slowly, you will ﬁnd that you are attracting different people in your life, people who support the new visions you have started telling.
- I can ﬁnd a job that I will enjoy doing, that inspires me and that pays me well.
- I can speak in public.
- The people I meet are always great people.
- The world is a great place!
- (Your vision here)
You can create whatever you want. You just have to decide to stop telling stories and start talking visions!
What is your next step?