When you think of sexual self-confidence, what do you think of? Is it your ability to freely express your sexual desires and your sexuality regardless whether you’re the sexiest person in the room or have a “perfect body”, or is it you only when you’ve splashed out on a new outfit and after a few drinks? Sexual self-confidence is something that both men and women can struggle with from time-to-time, however having the confidence to freely express your sexuality and desires is an important and healthy part of being an adult.
Our sexuality is more than just having sexual intercourse or looking the part; it’s about being comfortable with your sexual beliefs and your ability to express your desires. It comes only after reaching a certain level of psycho-sexual development; irrespective of outside factors including a size 0 body or an encouraging partner to boost your confidence.
It is an air of confidence that comes from within, and is just as important outside of the bedroom, as it is inside. This isn’t to say that you need to be stopping traffic with your hottest get-up each day (although no doubt this will brighten up your morning!), however your body thrives on this sensuality and sexual energy, and is a pathway to a higher spiritual level.
Sexual self-confidence invigorates your mind, body and spirit, and makes you attractive to the opposite sex even if you’ve just left the gym looking a sweaty mess – as you have an invisible light and sensual energy surrounding you that is free from inhibitions and insecurities.
It affects our interactions with the opposite sex and determines our thoughts and how we express ourselves. Going back to the gym example, it could make all the difference as to whether you hide from the attractive person making eye contact with you as you make your way off the treadmill, or whether you smile back and then strike up a conversation.
When you’re sexually self-confident, you’re able to express your sexual desires freely and confidently and be more present during sex, because you’re not worried about what the other person thinks; leading to greater enjoyment.
Becoming more sexually confident is something that takes time as it’s a journey that you need to commit to having with yourself. Subconsciously, we’re bombarded with images and views of what society finds sexy, and what’s “normal” sexual behaviour.
However, as we get older, we discover there is a slight disconnect with reality and having that unrealistic perfect body, or if your sexual desires are not reflected in mainstream society (or during Hollywood films where sexual satisfaction occurs between men and women simultaneously, and with minimum effort!). All of which may leave you wondering: “What’s wrong with me?”. The answer to this is absolutely nothing. You just need to spend a little time connecting with your body and understanding your desires, and feeling confident enough to ask for them.
Accepting And Understanding Your Desires
If you don’t feel confident expressing (or acknowledging) your desires, it’s going to be very difficult for your partner to bring out the inner adonias or goddess. Perhaps you were brought up in a home where sex was a taboo topic, and these deep-seated views subconsciously still exist in the back of your mind, making you feel embarrassed or ashamed to express your desires (no matter how normal or adventurous they are).
Next time you feel yourself retreating, try and bring awareness back to your thoughts. Do you know why you feel this way? Is there a person or event that made you feel ashamed to feel sexual – and to get enjoyment from it?
Freely write down your feelings no matter how irrational they may seem, then re-read over them. Does it make sense to harbour these feelings? Do they represent who you want to be? As with any emotional issue or blockage, it takes time to break down these limiting beliefs, however being aware when you’re behaving in a certain way and why, is the first step to changing your mindset and accepting who you are.
Embark On A Solo Sexual Sojourn
You do not need a partner to discover your sexual desires, in fact, it’s encouraged to discover them on your own. Spend some time learning what excites you – so when you do invite someone else to join you, you’re able to communicate what you like.
Spend some time reading erotic fiction and begin to experiment with different fantasies in your head. Visit a nudes display or sculptures at a gallery, and marvel at how sexual these pieces of art are (and notice how voluptuous the women usually are – another clue that the size of your hips has nothing to do with how sexy you are).
Talk to friends of the opposite sex to learn their views on sex and what they find attractive (although take what they with a pinch of salt – as everyone is different!). And if you don’t already, learn how to pleasure yourself. There is no pressure to perform within a certain time here, or to worry about anyone else except yourself. Take the time to learn what you like and how your body works.
The main thing is you begin to normalise sex in your head and begin to see it as an extension of who you are. Just like how you’ve adopted a particular fashion style that represents you, your sexual style is also an extension of your personality so you can have fun experimenting with it!
Expressing your sexuality is an important part of being an adult. It connects you with your mind, body and spirit. It also enables you to have a healthy relationship with your sexual partners – one where you feel comfortable expressing your desires, and being free to be yourself. Developing a healthy level of sexual self-confidence is something that can take time, however it is a journey of self discovery that is well worth embarking on.
Have you overcome any barriers to sexual self-confidence? What did you do to boost your mental mojo and get in touch with your desires?
Deanna Romano is a writer for FinerMinds