The most important person in our life is ourself. We need to know that we are worthy of love. That love begins with us. We are mirrors reflecting how others should treat us. When we are filled with self-doubt, angst and worry we are not our best selves and we can feel in eternal “stuck” mode.

Most of us were taught not to be egotistical. We were not taught that when we are filled with self-love – it is not egotistical at all but simply about knowing our worth. When we know our self-worth our lives can be in “flow” and we can operate out of a place of security rather than self-doubt and worry.

As humans, we can be pretty rotten to ourselves. We can fill our brains and hearts with negative self-talk, sometimes not even hearing the constant barrage of comments slung our way from our inner programming.

Some or most of the words might not even be what we truly believe but are words we have heard about ourselves in the past and have made it into our “background recording”. The good news – we can change those recordings. The first step is to hear them and take notice. The second is to replace it with more loving and kind thoughts for ourselves.

The negative thoughts we say to ourselves can seem so powerful but the good news is that they can be replaced – it may take a little time and patience. I promise it won’t take the years they have been in place to replace them. When we choose our thoughts instead of just having them on automatic pilot they are so much more powerful than those “programmed” thoughts. You can see your life change pretty quickly by eliminating one negative self-belief at a time.

I would like to guide you in a simple exercise in self-love. To prepare, you’ll need to think of:

  • A person you feel tremendous love for. A friend, spouse, child, sibling or anyone else that when you think of them – your heart grows warm.
  • Something you “beat yourself up about”. Maybe it has been a struggle with weight loss. Maybe difficulty finding financial stability. Maybe you tend to procrastinate. It could be you feel badly about a relationship issue. You know what you give yourself a hard time on – choose one challenge.

Once you have these two things in place, try the next five steps:

1) Take a few seconds to notice your breathing… don’t change it – simply notice it. This helps you become totally present and in the moment.

2) Imagine the loved one you picked. Feel what it is like when they are around you or you are speaking with them.

3) Now I want you to imagine that your loved one is approaching you about that issue you chose that you find challenging. Your loved one is coming to you for your love and advice about this same issue.

4) Picture yourself giving your loved one advice from your heart. When we love someone truly we are able to be in non judgment. We know their issue is not as bad as it seems as we are able to comfort them and show them love and support.

5) Apply this advice to your situation – it’ll help you rise above the challenge a bit and to put it in perspective.

We need to treat ourselves as we would our closest loved one! Why wouldn’t we give the same amount of respect and love to ourselves as we would someone else? We all deserve unconditional love and at soul level – we know this. When we begin to nurture and love ourselves the world around us changes in response. The people we meet are kinder, more “synchronicities” begin to happen, our path seems to open before us and we certainly smile a heck of a lot more!

This exercise takes a few seconds to a few minutes. See if you can notice the next time you find yourself saying not so nice things to yourself. Do not beat yourself up about saying them as that is the first step to changing and one to be celebrated.

It is not another thing to be mad at yourself for. The more you stop and notice,  the quicker that response will come to change those thoughts and to treat yourself with a little more love and kindness!

I wish you the best on this journey of love – falling in love with yourself is truly the most important and beautiful thing you can do to see your life transform.

Do you have a way to drown out the negative self-talk, and replace it with the same compassion and sincere words you’d say to your friends?