Studies show that high self-esteem is the number one ingredient essential for developing happiness, fulfillment, rich relationships and overall success in life. In the life of every child, usually sometime between birth and the age of six, something happens to have the child doubt him or herself. Someone says or does something that has the child believe that he or she is flawed, unlovable, not worthy, imperfect.
This initial stressful incident is the first real realization that the child is not perfect and fails to measure up to society’s standards in some important way. The initial upset can be one of two types. The first assault could be an unkind word from a peer or authority figure, a spanking, an insult, an argument, bullying or a name-calling episode. It could occur as a direct result of something the child said or did that provoked an attack on his or her sense of worthiness or ability to fit in.
The second type of self-esteem diminishing episode can be as a result of the child misinterpreting someone’s words or actions to mean that the child is flawed, unlovable, or defective in some way. In such a case, no insult or demeaning connotation was intended. The facts were that someone said or did something. The child mistakenly made up that there was something wrong with him or her as a result of what was said or done.
There are hundreds of opportunities for a child to misinterpret life in a way that tarnishes their self-image over the long term. With this sort of tendency toward faulty interpretation, there are literally thousands of opportunities for the child to attach a meaning to the situation that begins the process of eroding self-esteem.
The process of diminished self-esteem does not stop at such an initial decision regarding the child’s value. The child, armed with the belief that she is not good enough, now scans for additional situations that may serve as more evidence to reinforce this initial thought of being flawed. During such potentially upsetting events, the child reinforces this idea of unworthiness by further interpreting life events to prove the fact that he or she is defective.
After years of accumulating such evidence, their self-image deteriorates further with every episode. Before long, there is no doubt in the person’s mind that there is something wrong with them. After all, they have created a self-fulfilling prophesy to cement this belief firmly in their self-perception.
Parents can do much to insure that children grow up with the high self-esteem that will support their happiness, relationships, fulfillment, and success.
10 Ways To Support Your Child’s Self-Esteem Development
1. Work with the child to identify what may be missing, and if put into place, would allow him or her to be more effective (rather than looking for what’s wrong with them).
2. Assist each child to identify and pursue special hobbies, interests and passions that empower their lives and develop their unique gifts.
3. Regularly support children to see the other person’s perspective and to possess empathy and understanding. Support them to realize that allowing others to upset them is always optional and easily avoided by asking “What must the other person be thinking to say or do that?”
4. Set the example of forgiveness by forgiving yourself, forgiving your children, and forgiving others so that your children learn to do the same. Teach them that forgiveness paves the way for completion and applying valuable lessons learned from problematic situations.
5. Live with gratitude and support your children to be aware of, and grateful for, their many blessings. Encourage them to look for and speak about how their lives are blessed daily.
6. Teach each child to expect success, happiness, rich relationships and abundance. This will create the self-motivation to bring about these desired objectives as a self-fulfilling prophesy.
7. Teach children the art of visioning and support them to create a written personal vision for every aspect of their lives and to co-create a family vision with all family members.
8. Teach children to set goals that are attainable, but a stretch. Have these goals align with their inspirational visions and be supported by daily actions to bring them about deliberately.
9. Teach them to identify their most prevalent emotional response to stressful situations and to create mood-free interpretations at will that are free of anger, sadness and fear by developing empathy for the other person’s perspective.
10. Teach children effective organizational and study skills. Support them to set daily priorities and realize the importance of planning for success by having a daily action plan and a commitment to personal development so that they are not easily derailed by problems.
It’s very important to build a healthy self-esteem in your child from a young age. Of course there will still be times where they doubt themselves, however by following the steps above you’ll help increase their confidence and give them the skills to develop healthy relationships throughout their lives.
If you have children, or you work with them, we’d be interested in hearing whether there’s anything you do to build their self-esteem. Please share your tips and advice below.
To learn more about Dr Joe Rubino and how you can claim your free self-esteem course, visit his website.