Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. Love is in the air… or is it?
If you are currently in a relationship, is it fun and exciting? Is it playful? Does it bring more ease and joy into your life? Does it make your life greater? Or, perhaps, there was a time, maybe in the beginning, when your relationship was all of these things, but not so much now.
Often, when relationships begin, it’s like an adventure. You adore everything about your partner. You have a sense of being alive; of loving life. It’s light. It’s easy. It’s fun. Then, for so many couples, that all starts to change. That cute thing your partner does now annoys the heck out of you. You notice all of their inconsistencies and idiosyncrasies and UGH!! Good feelings gone!
What would it take for your relationship to remain an adventure – no matter how long you’ve been in it? What would it take to wake up every day, grateful for you, grateful for your partner, grateful for your relationship? What would it be like if the playfulness and excitement never went away and actually got bigger and greater?
All of this and more IS possible! You can create a relationship that contributes to you, to your partner, and to the world in ways you haven’t yet imagined.
No matter where your relationship is at today, you can begin using these 4 tips to create something greater right away!
1. Let Go of Conclusions
You are the most important ingredient in all of your relationships. Creating the relationship, you would like to have begins with you.
A great place to start in creating a dynamic relationship is to let go of any conclusions that you have – about you, about the other person, about everything!
When we come to a conclusion, only that which matches our conclusion can show up. When we decide something is so, it is so! If you’ve decided that someone is mean, lazy, dominant… they will keep showing up as mean, lazy, dominate…
To change all of this, to let go of your conclusions, there’s a really cool tool you can use. The tool is this: interesting point of view.
Here’s how it works, every time you notice a conclusion, you say, interesting point of view, I have that point of view. Keep saying it until things lighten up.
What happens is that everything you’ve decided is absolutely so, is no longer more than an interesting point of view and you have more space for you.
2. Keep All of You in the Relationship
We have been taught that if we care for someone, we sacrifice for them. When we buy this as real and true, we cut off parts of ourselves in order to prove our care. Have you ever noticed that this doesn’t work? And, have you ever noticed that when you care for you, you actually care more for others?
The world is asking for you to show up with all of you – all of the beauty, brilliance, and greatness that you be. When you cut off pieces of you to fit into a relationship, everyone misses out on the amazing gift of you!
What would your relationship be like, if you brought ALL of you into it? What would be created in your relationship and in the world, if you never stopped choosing for you?
When we choose to do the things that are fun for us, when we choose to connect with the people that value us, when we choose what works for us, our relationship can continue to grow and expand into something greater.
When we stop choosing for us, when we stop doing the things we enjoy, when we cut out the people that nurture and care for us, our relationship goes on autopilot and the adventure of life and living goes away.
If you want the adventure, if you want the joy, the playfulness, and the fun, keep choosing for you. Choosing for you does NOT mean choosing against your partner. It merely means that you are choosing to have and be all of you and that is the only way relationships work!
You can start by taking 1 hour a day to something that you love. Go for a walk. Read a book. Paint a picture. Start to choose for you!
3. Daily Choose to be in the Relationship
After being in a relationship for a while, we often stop actively choosing to be there. We chose it when it started, and we don’t go any further than that.
If you would instead, daily choose to be in your relationship, you would go from existing in the relationship into the creativity, fun, and excitement that was there in the beginning.
4. Don’t Look for Answers. Ask Questions.
Not looking for answers is the opposite of what we have been taught all of our lives. We’ve been told that if we find the right answer, if we have the right point of view, everything will be fine.
Have you ever noticed that this never works? No matter how many answers we find, things stay the same, because answers never change anything. Answers close the door to new possibilities and stop the creative process.
Rather than looking for an answer, ask a question. Questions take you beyond what you currently know. Questions take you beyond all of your conclusions. Questions are the door to something new and something greater.
One question you can ask is, “What else is possible?” Ask this about everything all through your day. When you get to work, and your co-worker snarls at you as you walk through the door, ask, “What else is possible?” When you asked for a project to be completed at a certain time, and it’s not, ask, “What else is possible?”
Whatever shows up, ask this question. And, you can ask, “How does it get any better than this?” Ask this about everything too! When you ask this question, everything, the good, the bad and the ugly, keep getting better. These two questions, if you will continue to ask, can change relationships dynamically!
However long you’ve been in your relationship, and whatever state it is in, you can create something greater! You can have the joy, the excitement and the adventure of a relationship that contributes to you, to your partner and to the world! BE the invitation to more ease and joy in relationships. BE the invitation to a different possibility. BE the change you wish to see!