For those of you who are married or in a long-term relationship, you might be surprised to discover that your grandparents had sex more often than you do.

Our grandparents didn’t have 500 plus channels of television, Facebook, twitter and the internet to distract them.  It’s very likely they had a lot more time for sex! We’re a world of busy, over-committed, stressed-out, sleep-deprived and just plain tired folks.

For many couples, life just seems to get in the way of finding time for sex or even simple pleasures. And, to make things harder on us, modern day society has conditioned us to look for and seek perfection in all areas of our lives, which leads to an ongoing state of frustration and dissatisfaction. And, as you know, these feelings are not conducive to an exciting sex life!

To allow for more sex, more joy and more harmony in our lives, it’s time that we embrace the ancient Japanese art form known as Wabi Sabi.

Wabi Sabi honors all things old, weathered, worn, imperfect and impermanent by finding the beauty and perfection in the imperfections.

For instance, if you had a large vase with a big crack down the middle of it, a Japanese art museum would put the vase on a pedestal and shine a light on the crack. Or, they might fill the crack with 24k gold. When we practice Wabi Sabi Love, we appreciate our own, and everyone else’s, imperfections.

Taking the Wabi Sabi View on Pleasure

There is now ample research proving that pleasure (and sex) not only reduces stress, it also improves our health, overall wellbeing and longevity.  This probably isn’t surprising… and when was the last time you consciously added pleasure to your life?

The Wabi Sabi approach to pleasure doesn’t require much effort but rather small, simple actions. Begin by making a list of things that evoke pleasure in each of your senses and then promising yourself to take at least one pleasure break a day.

Here are a few of the ways I take quick, solo pleasure breaks:

  1. I love the fragrance of scented candles as well as the warm, soft dancing of a flame, so I curl up in my favorite chair, light a candle and indulge for a few minutes with a piece for my favorite chili chocolates.
  2. If I have had a particularly stressful day, I take a long, warm bath, soaking in my aromatherapy oils, surrounded by candles and soft music.
  3. Or, if I want to pump up my energy, I put on a high energy, latin grooves CD of some of my favorite tunes, turn up the volume and dance like crazy.

It’s really quite simple…decide that for ten minutes each day for the next week you are going to schedule a pleasure break just for you, even it’s just making a cup of your favorite tea or stopping to literally smell the roses.

 The Art of Wabi Sabi Sex

What if you made a date with your with your mate for a little Wabi Sabi sex?

Applying Wabi Sabi to your sex life means it’s ok that you’re too tired, too stressed or don’t have time, you just decide to do it anyway….even if nobody really wants too.

According to relationship guru, Alison Armstrong, just because you are not in the mood or feeling estranged or disconnected from your partner, doesn’t mean you can’t make the effort to reconnect and re-ignite the energizing, and life-giving forces of sex. Like riding a bike, you’ll quickly get back in the groove.

Here are a few ways to enhance your sexual experience

  1. Be creative.
  2. Find a new time, a new place, a new way to initiate a connection.
  3. Even if you feel silly, awkward, or strange, just go for it.
  4. Remember this is Wabi Sabi sex.  It doesn’t have to be perfect.

And, however the lovemaking turns out, whether it’s dull and routine or toe-curling ecstasy, choose to find the beauty and perfection in it.  Know that it’s going to be great because you’ve made the effort to give yourself and your partner some attention, affection and hopefully pleasure.

When we allow ourselves to experience pleasure, we are relaxed and in the flow and it’s a zillion times easier to access our positive emotions. By taking the time to add pleasure to your life you will be calmer, happier, and more receptive to enjoying and receiving love at every level.

You learn to accept the flaws, imperfections, and limitations – as well as the gifts and blessings – that form your shared history as a couple.  Acceptance and its counterpart, understanding, are crucial to achieving relationship harmony.    It’s is sacred love, the highest form of love, and like most things worth striving for in life requires patience, commitment, personal responsibility, and practice.

Imagine how great you will feel when you know your partner loves all of you, all the time? The good, the bad, and everything in between!


To receive a free 5 video series on how to do Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships go to: www.wabisabilove.com/gifts

Have you and your partner already injected a little Wabi Sabi into your sex life and relationship? Share how you have come to accept and love each other’s flaws and imperfections below :)

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