Men And Women Are Not Made The Same.
When communication and expectations are based on the assumption that men and women are the same – that they have the same mind-sets, values and interpretations – then we end up down the road of frustration and anger and upset. And our relationships fall apart.
Men and women are not the same. And when we start to understand the beauty and the humor in the differences between men and women, a whole new world of possibility opens up in how we relate to each other, how we create our relationships, how we experience sex, and how love and fulfillment can grow even deeper through time.
First you have to understand the Nature of Men and Women, and some of their Innate Qualities…
1. The Nature Of Men And Women
Women are the attractors and men are the responders. Women “call”, men “respond”. That’s their ‘nature’. Her nature is to create things by being attracting. His is to create things by producing.
Women – The Attractors
The essence of a woman is what is attractive. It is the ability of a woman to attract – seduction in the best sense of the word – that allows others and opportunities to be drawn to her. A woman needs to learn to get in touch with her nature of attraction, and when she does, she will be able to have anything and anyone she wants.
Being competent to connect with that essence, allows resources and people to be drawn to her. She births and creates and brings things into existence.
Men – The Producers
The nature of the man is to be a performer, a provider, and a producer. His nature is to bring it home, get it done, make sure it happens, fix it, find it, deliver it, solve it, and produce it. Men want to please their women. A man is a responder to a call, not usually a caller himself.
A man has an antenna and listens for what is being wanted, what is being asked of him, where he can perform, where he can provide and responds to that call. Men are providers. Men are performers.
The catch here, of course is that women don’t usually know what they want, and they keep changing their minds; so sometimes it is very difficult for a guy to please her. And then she usually blames him for not knowing, as she expects him to be able to read her mind.
2. The Innate Qualities Of Men And Women
Now it is time to discuss the innate qualities of men and women. Men are a little slow, simple (not complicated), and are the ones that can be bigoted. Women are fast and inclusive, but they can also be mean, petty and ‘bitchy’.
The Female and Male Nature
A woman by nature is multi-faceted and is able to multi-task – do more than one thing at a time. She can move from one side of the brain to the other with ease and speed. She thinks, she feels, she acts and she uses her intuition quickly and with variety and subtlety and all at the same time.
A man takes longer to move from left-brain to right brain and back again. This is important to understand as each side of the brain allows action in different realms. One side of the brain is needed to do analyzing and detail work; and the other side of the brain is needed to do “conceptual tasks” like feeling and being empathetic.
A woman goes back and forth between these different worlds very quickly; a man needs time to jump from one to the other. When a woman assumes a man can do it the way she is able to do it; then she will be impatient with him, because he is slower than she is, and she may even interpret his actions as resistance or non-caring.
What Men And Women Need To Learn
Women overuse ‘bitchiness’. Being a bitch is an ‘asset’ that women have; but they should use the asset sparingly, or not at all. A man should know that it is possible for a woman to get bitchy, but not have to experience that unless it is absolutely necessary.
Men move when they are ‘winning’. They are paralyzed when they are ‘losing’. Anytime a woman is unhappy a man feels he is losing, and then he can’t move. Being a ‘bitch’ is exactly the opposite thing to do if a woman wants a man to get something done.
A man feels he is ‘losing’ when his woman is unhappy. If she wants him to do things for her, she needs to be nice and fun, she needs to tell him often what he is doing right, and what she loves about him. This will allow him to move. Women need to learn how to be nice and fun more of the time, instead of mean and petty.
3. Understanding The Underlying Fears That Motivate Men And Women
Now that you understand the nature and innate behaviors of men and women, and what some of the differences are, you will now be able to understand the underlying fears that motivate men and women. These fears drive their actions; and when you understand the fears you can start to alleviate them for each other.
A Woman’s Fear: Attraction
A woman’s fear is that she is not attractive enough. A woman is afraid that something else (or someone else) will be able to attract her man more than she can. That is why a woman gets upset if a man spends too much time at work (or if he glances at another woman).
It’s not that she wants him to be around more – even though that may be what she says. I mean let’s face it – a woman can get more done when a man is out of the house! It’s that she thinks, at some deep unconscious level, that he is more attracted by work (or the other woman) than he is by her, and it is upsetting to her.
If the man would call from work, and tell her how much he is thinking about her, and that he can’t wait to get home, then her complaining would stop, as she would feel that he is attracted first to her, above all else. Once a man understands this, he will be able to alleviate this fear in her.
A Man’s Fear: Failure
A man’s fear is that he won’t succeed. In fact the reason a man takes a bit of time to start any project, is that he has a deep seeded unconscious fear that he won’t be able to deliver. A woman needs to tell her man that she believes in him. She needs to understand he has a fear that he might not succeed, and to let him know she believes he can, and that he will. When a man knows his woman believes he can do it, he can do anything.
However a woman usually gets impatient that it takes a man so long to start, that she just goes and does it herself. She is taking away his job of being the producer. She is taking away his longing to be able to please her.
Don’t do it for him – give him the courage to do it himself, and make it fun for him while you are asking for it. Appreciation, acknowledgment and understanding will keep him in a state of being able to act.
Can The Battle Of The Sexes Finally End?
So you could almost say that men and women are two entirely different species of human beings.
Is there hope for these two species to co-habitate and communicate? Of course. It is a deep-seated understanding of our differences that helps us to see the humor and the beauty in them. It allows us to bring out the best in each other, and to create deep and lasting and fulfilling relationships.