We’ve probably all got one friend who jumps from one relationship to the next, with little or no break between the last. The friend who has a knack for getting over the previous partner as soon as they spot the next one in line.
Or perhaps you’ve been that person at some stage in your life…. or still are? If so, you may fall into the “serial monogamist” category. However – without meaning to taint anybody – let’s look at some of the reasons why people swing from one relationship to the next, and at some of its side effects.
Big On Chemistry, Light On Relationship
According to Psychology Today, serial monogamists usually believe in the idea of love, however shy away from making lifelong commitments to just the one person. Why settle for just one great love, when you can have many?
It’s not that they necessarily have problems staying committed while in the relationship – it’s just that they may get bored easily when the chemistry starts to dwindle and the honeymoon phase is not as rosy as it once was.
This type of person loves falling in love and gets swept away quicker than the autumn leaves on a windy day, but lose interest in the object of their once idolized affection just as quickly.
Two Minds Are Better Than One
Staying home on a Friday night with someone to cuddle is more often than not better than being alone in bed… in the company of your hot water bottle. This is indeed true. So the temptation to be with someone for reasons like this can be understood, however these are not grounds for a healthy relationship.
Some of the best moments of brilliance can be found when you spend time alone connecting with yourself – be it dancing around the house to your favorite music, cooking or pursuing whatever interest you have that’s a unique expression of yourself.
However, this can be where the problem lies. Sometimes this type of monogamist is so afraid of being alone, they don’t actually know who they are and therefore taking on the identity of their partner becomes second nature.
The Need For Validation
Following on from the above point, being in a relationship gives you validation that someone likes, or even loves you. While everyone likes to feel loved, the problem exists here if you don’t love or even like yourself, and constantly look to someone else to fill this void.
This is a slippery cycle, because until you love the person in the mirror staring back at you, you’ll find it difficult to be in a healthy relationship that has the strength to last.
Argument For Serial Monogamy – Is This Part Of Human Evolution?
So while there are reasons to suggest that being a serial monogamist may not be the healthiest option on the relationships menu, could it be a compromise of modern times?
By nature, humans are not naturally monogamous, however there is something in us that looks for the type of companionship and security that a relationship offers.
Although we all know that happily-ever-after doesn’t always end that way (even if after you have the ring as a shiny reminder to that promise), it still begs the question – do these quick and available relationships serve a purpose in our modern times?
Could it be that serial monogamy is the compromise between traditional “till death do us part” and spending years – or maybe a lifetime – looking for someone who fits this bill and ticks all the “perfect partner” boxes?
Maybe. It depends on your motives.
However if you’re looking for companionship because you’re scared of being alone or are just looking to validate yourself, this may not be the kindest option to yourself, or to the other person staring longingly into your eyes.
What do you think? Is serial monogamy the way forward, or do you think healthy time on your own between relationships is key to your personal growth?